


burn my way through your darkness

by miirukus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fix-It, Gen, Hyuuga Clan-centric, Hyuuga Neji Lives, Original Character(s), Reincarnation, Shimura Danzou Being an Asshole, Slow Burn, Written in Class, branch house abolition
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2020-10-10 11:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20527160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miirukus/pseuds/miirukus
Summary: There will never be enough for Hoshiko Hyuuga.(Alternatively: a Hyuuga who shouldn't be there feels a strange sense of comradeship with Uchiha Itachi, despite never meeting him in person before in her life — must be something to do with precious younger brothers.)[previously: hoshi; a star][probably going to re-write (LOL)]





	1. a star is born

**i. a star is born**

Her story goes a little like this:

The day is July third, the time is 10:06 AM and the sun emerges from her mother's womb, with the moon following soon after.

(Hizashi takes one look at her and decides to name her Hoshiko. The sun is a star, after all.)

* * *

The earliest months are the hardest. She's sixteen going on one (_sixteen! how early to die, what an tragic death. how sad, cursed with misfortune from a young age, following you through death_) — confused and overwhelmed, but it’s Neji who’s there for her in her darkest hours; Neji who holds her hand through all the pain; Neji who keeps her company when Hizashi is away. It’s stifling, being in a room with all these dead people. A clock in the corner counts down the time— there’s not enough time, not enough power, there will never be enough for Hoshiko Hyuuga.

(She wishes she was enough to save everyone.)

* * *

She’s one when it happens. Giant ball of malevolent chakra outside, so close _too close._ Civilians and shinobi alike in the streets, screaming, crying, dying. A river of red running outside her window, like a clumsy toddler spilt a bucket of paint all over Konoha, paint that smelt like copper and tasted foul in her mouth and never seemed to go away. The moon hiding behind a cloud. Entire districts being wiped off the map with the flick of nine tails and the killing intent radiating off the Kyuubi. The small, rational part of her brain tells her what's happening. (_Nine-tails attack, people dying, Naruto's birth_.) She finds she doesn't care, as long as Neji remains beside her with wide featureless eyes, his small arms reaching up to grasp her face. Unworldly. Ethereal. The moon — small, insignificant, powerless — kills the sun with the innocence only a toddler can possess.

* * *

The next tragedy occurs only three years later: the Caged Bird seal burns strong on her forehead. Even when the pain prickles at her eyes, she doesn't let any emotion show on her face — she needs to be strong for Neji. Neji is still there — Neji is always there, holding her hands, looking out for her, conveying concern with those pale eyes of his. Until Neji is not; Neji's on the alter (_a sacrifice, like a lamb to the slaughter._) — Neji is hurting, Neji is burning, Neji is crying and she can't do anything, restrained by the elders. 

(Hoshiko is but a speck of dust in this fictional world.)

"Neji, I'll get stronger, I promise. So strong I can protect you and me and father and the entire Branch House, so strong none of us will ever—“

”You don't need to. I'll be the one to make sure you never hurt again."

Lies, all of them. Hizashi leaves one night with promises to _c__ome back_ and _stay safe_. Hoshiko knows better, so she stays by his side as he leaves, trying to memorise the scent of pine wood and smoke, the worried creases on his face, the way he says goodbye, voice wobbling ever so slightly. His body, fading into the darkness, stiff and determined. How safe she felt, if only for a minute. A week passes, and even the walls seem to speak of how he _died to protect us, loyal until the end. _Whispers in the dark. _If only he wasn't a Branch House member. If only._

(Hoshiko is beginning to forget. How Hizashi lazily greeted them as he came home from a mission, the types of tea he enjoyed, how he always went to the Memorial Stone on festival days instead of going to the festival. How _warm _he was, how _safe _he made her feel. Feelings she might never experience again.)

Feelings she thinks she'd never experience. It turns out simple, lonely detachment from the world at large just _wasn't enough. _She doesn't know **when**, but somewhere along the line she has become a part of this story. A side character without any importance; a character no less. The five stages of loss went something like this: denial (why am i here? i should be dead), anger (i wish everyone would just die already), bargaining (if i kill myself, will i die?), depression (i'm never enough) and acceptance. 

Hoshiko reaches the final stage and it's ironic how grief and pain brings her to accept that she's in the _Naruto_ world. 

(Because if she can feel pain and emotion, she should be real too, right?)

* * *

"How do I know if you're even _real_?"

"Does it matter if I'm not? What a funny question, onee-chan."

* * *

With acceptance comes fear, raw and real, that Neji will die once again. If she's going to do this entire 'side character' thing, she's going to do it _well_. She's not going to lose anyone again. Never again; not Neji who showed her so much warmth that it melted her cold facade. 

(She starts training.)

She starts off with a slow lap around the village, channelling chakra to her arms and legs. It feels like cheating, but everyone has to start _ somewhere. _Then another, then weapons training, and she comes home at seven at night to a worried Neji. 

Rinse and repeat. Some days she practises her katas, others she makes poison, clumsy five-year-old hands getting scratches and callouses and burns. Yet others she does target practise with senbon— always senbon, precise and fast. She has no need for the bloodstains that kunai and shuriken bring. It's random and disorganised but the thrill of learning something new speaks of her progress.

(Hoshiko doesn't know that with power comes unwanted attention.)

* * *

Takeshi Hyuuga — long-time jounin-sensei, war veteran, kill count in the thousands — watches quietly as a five-year-old child throws senbon at a target. It’s Hizashi’s daughter, eldest child in a family haunted by tragedy. Something about her just screams a cry for help to him, whether it’s the tense shoulders or bloodshot eyes or scars on her small hands that had no right to be there. (Takeshi knows better than to interfere but his heart tells him he has to, as a member of the branch house, even if it sends her to a premature end.) And when she raises pale eyes to gaze at him unnervingly, he opens his traitorous mouth.

(What he is going to do is the precise opposite of ‘help’.)

“I could- I mean if you want to- I’m a jounin-sensei, you know what that is, right? I could, you know, help you out a little? With your senbon, you see, your grip is incorrect— I mean, sorry for disturbing, I just think you should’ve known but it’s okay, really—”

It’s funny how he can make the rivers run red if without hesitation on a whim, but he can’t talk to a five-year-old kid. He blames it on his childhood; spending years learning how to kill when his chakra reserves were so shallow they were nonexistant, to hold your ground against enemies you’d have no chance killing, which sort of poisons to use for a fast death; there was no time to learn how to talk to children when the only words he knew how to say, the only words he needed to say were ‘mission completed, taicho’ and ‘threat neutralised’. He sighs. The sharp stab in his heart feels like guilt, almost. 

Her eyes brighten and his heart sinks even lower. Soon all that childish cheer will be wiped off her face and it will be all his fault.

"Really? You’ll train me?”

“Sure. I’m thinking we should start with stamina training (so you don’t collapse and die of exhaustion by _ his _ hands) but since you’re so busy with senbon already ( _ he _ can teach you how to use them more effectively than I can)- you’re too young to start learning chakra control (even though I should really get you ready for what you’re going to face) and um- I mean if you want to we can learn that too, and do you think we should start now? Or are you tired already? I really don’t want to overwork you (you should enjoy your childhood for the last half a year or so. While I monitor your progress.)”

“(I’m sorry, Hoshiko! I shouldn’t be betraying a fellow branch house member like this, but you don’t understand. I have to. He’ll _ kill _ me, and nobody will miss you anyway.)”

“Let’s start _now_.” She’s smiling like she doesn’t know she’s going to meet an untimely end. He shudders.

* * *

“Hey Takeshi, what kind of food do you like?”

“... I, um, eat for survival, not for enjoyment. you know how it is, shinobi and all. Well I mean you don’t, and I hope you never will, but..”

“Neji swiped some ryo from Hiashi—”

"Hiashi-_ sama _. Y-you should use honorifics, he’s clan head after all. And you really shouldn’t be stealing from him of all people! T-try stealing from better targets, like a civilian, they don’t have the power to deal out punishments as severe as Hiashi-sama does.”

“—So we have enough to get ramen from Ichiraku, ya know, the ramen store, and we can bring Neji along with us. Also, is it okay if he trains with us starting tomorrow? Oh, he’s here now.” 

(Takeshi doesn't like how the girl is growing on him, so he tries to push her away to no avail.)

“Hey Takeshi, what are your hobbies?” 

“... I, um, I don’t have time for hobbies (my hobby is staying alive and under the radar).”

“Why don’t we go camping in the forest? Neji's gonna come too, just so you know.” Neji smiles at her, his kunai missing its mark by about a metre in his distraction.

“But the forest’s private property of the Nara clan! I mean, like, you’re not allowed there! You’re going to get killed by accident cause they think you’re missing-nin or some shady tresspasser!”

“I meant training ground 44, but that’s not a bad idea either.” 

Takeshi sighs in disbelief, but the rebellious part of him thinks, _ that isn’t such a bad idea… _

He doesn’t know what the warm feeling in his heart is, so he tells Hoshiko to do five more laps. Neji gazes at him from the target practice, eyes wide and unblinking. He doesn’t know what to do with those two. He wishes his feelings could just melt away like their ice-creams under the midsummer heat. Maybe his body could melt too, so he can sit in a puddle of comfort under the blazing sun, because puddles don't have to follow orders from their superiors — puddles are just there, after the rain, lazing around. His heart throbs painfully.

Takeshi wishes and wishes and _wishes_, but hoping didn't save him when his genin team was killed, didn't save him when the team he was supposed to look after as a Jounin was ambushed and murdered. Hoping didn't bring his brother back to life, didn't kill the Iwa-nin who stood over his body, smiling darkly, didn't save him from Councilman _Danzo_, and neither will running away from his problems. Hoping won't get rid of the seal on his tongue. Since when has wishing ever saved anyone? Since when has Takeshi ever saved anyone? Takeshi is a failure, a shell of a man, a disgrace to the Hyuuga name, and he knows it.

By the time Hoshiko and Neji have finished the spar Takeshi assigned them to, the sun is setting and the sky is illuminated in more colours than he can count.

"Takeshi, come with me." Hoshiko tugs on his sleeve lightly, casually jumping onto a roof. 

It's a summer evening. The crickets are chirping and there's an owl hooting somewhere in the distance. The air is warm and the sky's full of stars, so far yet so close. Takeshi thinks that if he looks closely enough he might be able to see the faces of his comrades, his family among them. Hoshiko raises her hand, and he sees it, blazing against the darkness. A shooting star.

"When I grow up, I'm going to be one of those!" Hoshiko declares, almost proudly.

(Takeshi sees past the pride to the sadness in her eyes. _O__ne last wish__,_ he promises himself.)


	2. my all-seeing eyes see your pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoshiko tries (tried?) to fix a broken boy.

**ii. my all-seeing eyes see your pain**

Neji wants to drown. He wants to run and run — to Kirigakure, maybe — and plunge himself into a lake, a river, the sea. Away from the elders and their suffocating presence. Away from the seal burning on his forehead; away from the pain and into the safety of death. To cease to exist. Welcome death with open arms. He's just _four_, he knows, but already he is tired. So, so tired.

"Neji?" He can't hear Hoshiko over the sound of his own thoughts. Hizashi is _dead, never coming back_ — Father who said he'd keep them safe, Father who was one of Konohagakure's elite, Father who watched over him with sad, sad eyes and told him that everything was okay. It's not _fair__, _that Father died just because he was fated to, just because he was born merely seconds after his brother. (Father who died for nothing. For the _Main House._ One day they will be crushed like nothing beneath Neji's heel, he swears.) Neji blames Hinata. It's easy to pin the blame on her, weak and quiet and shy, the indirect reason for Father's death. A wave of hatred flows over him and he can't think, can't see, can't breathe.

"Neji-nii, we're going to play with Hinata-chan today, is that okay with you?" Worried eyes gaze up at him, and Hoshiko smiles uncertainly.

_No. Not now, not today, not ever._

Neji doesn't say anything. If he does, he's scared that poison will come out of his mouth instead of coherent speech; he feels as if his lips are stuck together like his feet are glued to the ground. He looks down. He wants to cry, to scream, to roar his displeasure to the heavens. Instead, he nods mutely and lets Hoshiko take his hand in hers, walking to his doom. _Is this how Father felt in his last moments?_ He's so tired. He wants Hoshiko to stop. He wants to lie down and sleep eternally. He keeps his head bowed and his arms stiff by his side as Hoshiko calls for Hinata-san. He's scared that if he looks at Hinata, he'll want to obtain revenge for his father. Cursed to hatred like an _Uchiha_. He's heard the rumors about them: pinwheel eyes unlocked by killing the ones you love the most. He despises Hinata, all soft and innocent, but he wonders still if he'll achieve new heights with her blood on his hands. _Mangekyou Byakugan. _He scoffs quietly.

"U-um, Hoshiko-nee! Neji-nii! I-i'm really happy that you guys are here to keep me company!" Hinata smiles shyly and reaches out to take their hands.

Neji flinches away in a panic. "Don't— Don't touch me!" With eyes blurred by panic, he flees Hinata's room. He can't bear seeing _her_, born into privilege and opportunity, without the resolve to make the most of it — it _disgusts_ him so much he wants to gouge her eyes out like an _Uchiha_.

* * *

It's Hoshiko who finds Neji half an hour later, curled up under the sycamore trees, staring at the moon. Fingers absentmindedly scratching at his seal, a drop of blood rolling down his forehead, bloodshot eyes glassy with unshed tears. He doesn't give any indication that he knows she's there, gazing up into the darkness.

"I wish I could be someone," Neji begins, voice hoarse and trembling. "If I was better, if I was stronger, if I was born into the Main House with you and Father..."

He feels like all the words he never said are choking him. 

"Never mind, onee-san."

"Neji —"

* * *

Hoshiko finds both of them a teacher. He calls himself Takeshi, forces his smiles, and is a jittery mess.

"His eyes look dead," Neji whispers one afternoon as he sticks a leaf to his forehead. "I don't like Takeshi."

(He's not right. He's wrong. He doesn't belong here. He's —

He has an ulterior motive and it would've taken an idiot not to notice. The Branch House members look at them in sympathy, giving them a wide berth as if misfortune is contagious. The Main House members look at them like objects; tools to send off to war and come back in a cardboard box. Neji and Hoshiko are truly alone in such a hard, cold world.)

"I know." Hoshiko takes Neji's hand in hers and squeezes, smiling slightly. "Your eyes — your eyes look a bit like his. Sometimes, like when you see Hinata-chan. Or when Hiashi walks by. Or—"

Despite his personal failings, Neji finds that Takeshi teaches them a lot in regards to how to kill. He shows them chakra control exercises, makes them sprint laps around the compound, teaches them how to throw kunai and senbon. Stamina and speed. Sometimes when he masters what Takeshi has taught them, he feels he has the world in the palm of his hands. Anything can be achieved through power. A light breeze and the leaf on Neji's forehead lazily drifts off. He frowns.

(The fastest way to a man's heart is to the left of the sternum, between the fourth and fifth rib.)

"You know that we're fated to be tools, don't we? To work for the Main House, to die for the Main House, for someone who has never cared for us. I want to die for _myself_. I don't want — I'm — Never mind."

Neji can't explain the feelings he feels, but Hoshiko knows all the same.

* * *

One afternoon Takeshi instructs Neji and Hoshiko to spar, so they dance around each other with billowing sleeves and graceful footwork until the sun begins to set, when they agree to a stalemate and instead stare at the sky. Hoshiko drags both of them onto a roof, where Neji proceeds to count the stars with his Byakugan active, even though they're too far away for it to have any effect. On the seventy-eighth star, he sees it.

A shooting star. 

"When I grow up, I'm going to be one of these!" Hoshiko smiles brightly, pointing at the star.

The voices in Neji's head wouldn't let him sleep that night, and Hoshiko _still_ wasn't home, so he finds himself wandering outside, drowning in his thoughts. Of the meaning of Hoshiko's words. He could run: leave this cursed hellhole. He could be _free, _he could be _anything he wanted_, but he can't because there's someone just around the corner and their presence gives him chills.

A voice slices through the warm summer air like a hot knife through butter. (The voice is so cold Neji thinks he's going to turn to ice and _snap_. He feels like running, but where to?)

"Progress report, shinobi."

The shadow who looks and moves like Takeshi replies, voice equally devoid of emotion.

"Hoshiko is adept in the shinobi arts, but is too close to the Clan Head and his daughter. Hiashi seems to be monitoring her and her progress, and it would not be prudent to antagonise him." 

"What about the other one? Her — _Hoshiko's — _brother." Slowly, hazily, as if waking from a dream, Neji registers that they're talking about _him_. Neji. A no-name child. A Branch House member, tainted with misfortune. _What do they want with me? _

Takeshi falters momentarily, and his voice seems to waver. "Danzou-sama, Neji Hyuuga will be an excellent addition to ROOT."

Danzou raises an eyebrow. A — _brainwashed!_ — ROOT member, showing signs of emotion? He knows he shouldn't have sent a Hyuuga on a mission to capture another Hyuuga — their plights were too similar, the treatment of the branch house a common experience, invoking empathy in his subordinate. _Empathy. _The downfall of Takeshi Hyuuga.

(Takeshi can feel Neji's chakra fluctuating just around the corner, and he must imagine the confusion and panic he's feeling. The only thing he can think of is to cover for Neji, motion for him to run, but there's nowhere he can hide. Danzou will hunt him down no matter where he hides, now that he knows of ROOT's existence. It's such a misfortune — a coincidence like this can only be described as the _fate_ Neji keeps talking about.)

(Takeshi reaches for his tanto and aims for Danzou's heart in one swift movement. Fast, but not fast enough — because honestly, a brainwashed ROOT against the venerable Danzou-sama? What a joke.)

Neji runs like he's never run before, stumbling and tripping, too afraid to cry. Heart pounding a mile a minute. He bolts for his — and Hoshiko's — room and crouches under his bed for the rest of the night, trying to make his body as small as possible, to cease to exist. _If he was an Uchiha, _Neji thinks, _his Sharingan would surely have awakened by now_. He kinda wishes he was an Uchiha, with power and strength, without a seal that will decree how he spends the rest of his life — _won't the gods grant me freedom?_

"The creepy Elder guy — h-he, he _killed_ Takeshi and I know because I saw it — the tanto, Danzou?" It takes a few minutes for him to realize that both Hinata and Hoshiko are in the room.

"T-takeshi?" Hinata asks. "Neji-san, y-you should get... get some rest. If t-there's someone bad out there... Hoshiko and I, we'll, um, protect you! Do y-you want some water? I'll go and, um, get some water..." She hovers around worriedly, then leaves the room. Seconds later she returns with a steaming cup of tea. "Here, t-take it."

"Hinata's here for a sleepover," Hoshiko explains, grabbing pillows. "I asked Hiashi after we got back from the spar. Kami, I'm so _stupid_, I shouldn't have left you alone, I should've known — I knew about Takeshi all this time but I thought it would be _okay_ to leave you alone for one night kami why am I so stupid —"

"It's okay, Hoshiko-nee. We can, uh, look after Neji-nii now... and, um, he's fine so everything's okay... right?"

"Yeah. Everything's... fine. It could have been worse. Thanks, Hinata." Hoshiko collapses into a mass of blankets. "Could have been... worse..."

(Neji cries himself to sleep, with Hinata and Hoshiko hovering over him protectively.)

* * *

Neji Hyuuga was fated to be unfortunate. To stumble across Danzou and Takeshi discussing his future in a shady clearing next to the Clan Compound. To have Takeshi fight for both of their lives while he ran and ran, powerless. He looked back once, just in time to see Danzou skewer Takeshi in the neck with his own tanto. He has never felt so caged as he did that night, sprinting across the compound.

The next morning Takeshi Hyuuga is reported dead, his kekkai genkai sealed by the Caged Bird seal. They conduct an investigation, but the killer is never found. 

Neji despairs. Hoshiko takes his hand, and they run down to the river after the funeral is held.

"I saw it all." he says softly. "It's my fault."

"No, it's not!" Hoshiko exclaims hotly. "It's all — all _Danzou's fault! Again!_"

"If I was a little bit stronger..." he begins, only to be cut off by Hoshiko.

"Danzou — he's Kage level! He's dangerous! He's on the council for a reason! Even Takeshi couldn't beat him..." (and now he's dead, goes unsaid.)

”Do you want to tell me what happened?" Hoshiko's uncharacteristically soft. It's the quietest he's heard her in a year or so. The only time he can remember her being this quiet was at Hizashi's funeral, tears streaming down her face. Silent. Cold. He feels sick, and the words choke him on the way out.

"After.. after we sparred, after we looked at the stars, you went to sleep. But I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk. I heard Danzou talking with Takeshi. He told him something about.. a root? Then Takeshi said I'd be an 'excellent addition' to this 'root' thing. But I guess he was lying, because then he shouted at me to run and drew his tanto to stab Danzou. I don't know what happened after that, because I was running away, and it was so dark. I tripped over a stone and looked back, and Takeshi got— he got— he—" Neji took a shuddering breath and continues. "Danzou stabbed him in the neck. He was going to come after me, but I was already inside the compound by then, two meters away from Hiashi's room, so then he disappeared, and it seemed like a bad dream but Takeshi was still there, lying face-down, and I could've gone for help but I would've— He would've come back and killed me or something, I couldn't _move_—"

Hoshiko knows Neji isn't okay, was never okay, is more _not okay_ after Danzou. Slowly but surely, Hoshiko tries to fix Neji.

"I want to be free, I want to live for myself. I want to be someone. I want to gouge out the seal on my forehead and tell the elders they can fuck themselves."

"I want to _fly_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a neji perspective to clear things up and some character development.
> 
> edited 05022020 for better development and conciseness


	3. romanticisation of monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at the end of the day the only thing you will be is a monster, nothing more

**iii. romanticisation of monsters**

The days pass like this: Wake up. Put on your favourite shirt — bloodstains (that never wash away) on the inside of your sleeves from the time you pummeled a fellow student into the ground for insulting the Hyuuga and their All-Seeing Eyes — sharpen your poisoned kunai, check your poisoned senbon — make yourself and your brother breakfast. It's always soba and otouto always finishes first. Walk to the Academy hand in hand. Check left and right before crossing the road (not for cars — for Danzou, for mysterious shinobi, for ROOT agents). Talk to Neji about Hinata, sometimes. Laugh at your classmates scornfully. Arrive at the Academy late because you wanted some dango. Listen to Mizuki-sensei's lectures. 

(The God of Shinobi, the prodigious Hokage — the _ Professor _ — Good men don't get titles like that, Hoshiko knows. Die for Konoha, live for Konoha. Orochimaru was a monster. You will become a monster. For Konoha. Ultimately we are all monsters. Glorifying murder; encouraging bloodshed. Mizuki-sensei is simply romanticising the life of a shinobi in the hopes that we will grow up to become faithful tools.)

Hoshiko meditates instead. Breathe in, breathe out, force your chakra reserves to expand. (Detention in the afternoon — meditate through that too.) Realise that your chakra control is appalling. Stick a leaf to your forehead and watch it rotate as you eat your spicy ramen. (Remember, if it falls off, everyone will see your Cursed Seal; remember, remember, practice until you drop, feel it sap your chakra.) Beat up someone if you feel like it. Walk home after detention. Target practice — throw your senbon. Spar with Neji and get your ass beat. Remember that Neji is a prodigy. Run through hand seals until your fingers feel like breaking. Practice your katas on wobbly legs. Ask Neji to unblock your tenketsu. Memorise the tenketsu chart Hiashi gave you out of pity. Deplete all your chakra striking the practice dummy; go to bed with sore arms and numb fingers. Worry about Danzou, worry about Itachi, worry about the Uchiha. Wake up. Put on your favourite shirt —

On Sundays they visit Hinata. (They don't use that kind of system in the shinobi world, yet Hoshiko can't resist labelling those sunshine-filled days full of joy and happiness, of Neji speaking although curtly, of hesitant smiles and small gestures, as Sundays. Slowly but surely reaching out to Neji, who still jumps at shadows and refuses to venture outside at night until he is stronger, he says. Hinata tells Neji he is already strong and an inspiration. Neji looks away and fidgets with his sleeves. Hoshiko smiles.)

A year passes and Hinata enters the Academy, along with the Rookie Nine.

Naruto — loud ball of sunshine. Watch out for his pranks as you enter the classroom. Hanging around with him will surely attract Danzou's suspicions, so keep a five-meter radius from him. Sasuke — small. Talks about his aniki a lot, quiet otherwise. Prideful. Has a mini fan club. Sakura — already being bullied by Ami for her forehead. Hinata — Ami's latest target.

Hoshiko watches as Neji seethes and rages and attempts to penetrate through the invisible barrier separating him and Hinata. A few well-placed words and he _ snaps _.

"Aww, look at Hinata. Weak and pathetic." Ami smiles mockingly, kicking her. Flanked by no-names who chorus some meaningless taunts.

Neji feels all the hate — hate for the Main House, hate for the Cursed Seal, hate for oppression — rise up and consume him. He remembers all the times that Hinata's attempted to approach him, to make friends with him. Timid, cute Hinata who has never done anything wrong. Whose only fault was being weak. Hoshiko squeezes Neji's hand, and smiles.

_ "Neji-nii, you are so strong and cool! When I grow up, I'm gonna be like you!" _

Inhale, exhale slowly. Go straight for the face with no mercy. 

"You — You _ dare _ disrespect Hinata-sama, you _ swine! _ What has Hinata ever done to you? Die in a hole!" Hoshiko thinks that the other side of the playground can sense the killing intent he's radiating, and she's not wrong. Iruka and Mizuki arrive on the scene just in time to see Neji kick a screaming Ami, with blood running down her face and a broken nose. Neji's okay. He can breathe again, and he _ smiles _ eerily. 

"Unblock her tenketsu, Hyuuga-san."

_ "Fuck no." _

Hinata joins in their training sessions the following day. The Elders praise Neji, but glare at Hinata and tell her that she should've been able to fend for herself.

(Neji looks ready to punch them into the ground too.)

"Hinata, I'm going to make you strong." he says solemnly. "I promise."

Hinata gazes up at Neji with reverence in her eyes.

* * *

Neji wonders where he changed, from someone who absolutely _despised_ Hinata and her position within the Clan to a protective older cousin. Maybe it was that day by the river, or before that on the night where Danzou tried to 'recruit' him and Traitor Takeshi turned out not to be that bad after all (as a corpse rotting in the ground). Yet Hinata doesn't seem like a cousin, and even less like a liability. More a tool, one he can use to overthrow the Main House, one he can sway to his side. But a human in the sense that she can make him _feel _things he thought he wouldn't be able to ever again, not since Danzou — small things like happiness and joy and embarrassment. Neji is nine and he doesn't change back to the unfortunate boy he once was; Hyuuga Neji _evolves_.

(Meaning: Neji no longer asks the Elders who Danzou is. He no longer cries himself to sleep; instead he writes a bunch of sloppy protection seals he found from Sealing III: A Beginner's Guide to Sealing, a book Hinata tentatively lends him. He understands how dangerous it would be for him if the Main House found sealing books in his possession and incinerates it with a Katon he learnt, balancing on top of the bridge near Naka River, kilometers away from the Hyuuga compound. He sticks the protection seals under his bed and in Hoshiko's underwear drawer; it has a radius of two meters. He apologises to Hinata, who doesn't seem to mind. He learns that Hinata likes cinnamon rolls, and takes her out to Ankorodou as an apology. He doesn't tell Hinata that the money he used to pay for her cinnamon rolls were stolen from his father. His latest feat: Beating up Ami and returning home bruised and bloody but impossibly happy.)

(Neji no longer huddles under his bed, waiting for enemy shinobi to capture him. Instead, he stands straight and tall in Training Ground 19, kunai at the ready.)

Neji wonders how he evolved. He thinks and thinks and thinks and in the end he only has one answer for himself: Hoshiko Hyuuga. Hoshiko who used to hold him close and tell him everything would be okay; Hoshiko who taught him how to steal and fight and lie. Hoshiko who encouraged him to talk with Hinata, who said that they could abolish the House system through Hinata, who was the heir; Hoshiko who told him everything he knew about the world. Hoshiko who knew more about Hokage-sama, about _Danzou_ that anyone had the right to. Hoshiko who knew everything about Neji without even having to ask. (Did Neji even, _ever _know Hoshiko and her particular brand of unconditional love?)

"You're the only one I care about, Neji-kun." Hoshiko smiles when Neji asks her why. (_Why_ do you care so much about those things that are out of our reach? Why do you care about the Land of Rice Fields but simultaneously don't give two shits about Mizuki-sensei? Why do you care about Suna's economy but turn a blind eye when the transfer from Suna gets beat up on her first day for her weird accent?)

"Because I'm the only one who can care about you."

Neji has evolved and now he understands the importance of being truly strong.

* * *

The days change a bit and now they go like this: Wake up. Put on your favourite shirt — the one you wore to last year's festival, the one with all the dango and high-pitched chatter and Neji by your side. Sharpen your wakizashi — the one that the girl called Tenten in your class sold to you that humid afternoon with the streets overflowing with merchants. Get breakfast from Ankorodou because _screw Ichiraku's, Ankorodou's the real deal with limited spicy ramen deals for only sixty five point seven ryo— (sure, Ankorodou's known for its sweet bean paste. Doesn't mean they can't serve anything else.) _Walk to the Academy hand in hand. Try to teach Sakura Haruno how to fight so she can defend her honour against an enraged Ami who Hoshiko is sure will try and take her anger out on Sakura. That's the token excuse, anyway.

"But I don't even know you!" Sakura wails. They're ten minutes early and it's the _only_ time Hoshiko has and will ever be early. "W-why do you want to help a _nobody_ like me?"

"Because I know Ami." Hoshiko answers easily and Neji looks like he wants to punch her for always speaking so cryptically and mysteriously.

"What my dear older sister here is trying to convey is," Neji scowls and looks displeased, "that after what I did to her yesterday, Ami will undoubtedly attempt to take her anger out on you, who she is known to torment. Because you're _prettier_ than her or some other mindless thing that females enjoy partaking in. Although she isn't wrong, having good looks will make you a target in the shinobi world, especially with hair colour like yours."

"So you — two people I have never so much as met in my life, though I've _heard _of you alright: the Prodigy Twins, the Hyuuga Duo, whatever people are calling you these days — are gonna help me get better? At taijutsu?" Sakura has never been so overwhelmed before. The Hyuuga — Neji — the one some people in the grade above said was 'insanely hot' complimented her! Sort of. Even if it was backhanded, and he was a little less hot than Sasuke-kun.

"Yeah, pretty much. Because it's good that you learn to defend yourself." (And you can get through to Naruto and Sasuke, especially Sasuke, for us.)

"Well, I mean, I'm not really that interested in training. Don't get me wrong, it would be _great_ to beat Ami up, but Sasuke-kun... Sasuke-kun doesn't like girls who get dirty and sweaty. Sasuke-kun likes girls who are, you know, clean and pretty with long hair. _Ino_ told me, so it's probably right."

"Well, it's not right. Sasuke...kun likes girls who are strong. Also, he doesn't like fangirls," Hoshiko explains patiently. "If you could impress Sasuke by beating him in a spar, I'm sure he would become interested in you!"

Sakura looks like they've given her the world, stars in her eyes.

(So first you might want to catch Ami off guard, you know. Throw a few taunts—)

* * *

Days pass in a similar fashion. Sakura and Ami have an unfriendly playground spar, with only rough words and dirty tactics and the help of an elusive Hyuuga duo (trio) who lurk by the swings and quietly applaud Sakura as she walks by, head held high, with scratch wounds up and down her arms. Hoshiko Hyuuga chooses to spend a lecture passing notes to Sasuke instead of meditating — an uncommon occurrence.

_hey sasuke_, Iruka reads when he picks the note up from the dirty wooden floor after class — all hiragana and written untidily with a leaking pen;_ hows ur bro_

_Why ??? _is written under it neatly.

_no i just wna know cuz ur bro is v cool_ _:D (_

(Iruka cringes at the abbreviations and grammar mistakes internally. He can imagine Sasuke frowning at the note slightly, Uchiha-esque 'hn' at the ready, in case his mysterious partner wants to speak to him verbally. He thinks back a little to his Mathematics classes. Hoshiko talks to Sasuke a lot and in their conversations, half his sentences start with 'Aniki' and end with 'so cool'. He smiles a little; Hoshiko seems like she'd be good for Sasuke as a friend.)

_No, really >:( _An angry face to refute the smiley one Hoshiko drew.

_actually its bcz im an older sister & i wanna be a g one 4 neji hhhhh_

_Well if you gotta ask, I think Aniki has been acting weird lately. He doesn't look Okaasan or Otousan in the eye anymore, and he never has time to play with me. If you're gonna do your 'sibling duties' with Neji, or whatever you claim, make sure you give him enough time and play with him and buy him food sometimes cause maybe Neji might feel lonely or jealous if you hang out with Hinata so much. _And under it, five sizes smaller and sloppier: _dont tell ANYONE but __im kinda scared for aniki_

_why don't u talk to aniki then? i believe in u. neji _always_ talks to me._

(Then some random doodles of ramen, the Shodai Hokage, and some messy working out. Iruka can imagine Sasuke's disdainful 'hn', out loud this time, as he flicks the slip of paper back at his classmate, the cogs in his Rookie of the Year Uchiha brain turning as his pencil scratches against paper and his legs drum against the chair in an agitated manner. Sensei doesn't see the even smaller 'fine' written at the very bottom in small print.)

That night, Uchiha Sasuke goes home slowly, dragging his feet along the Naka bridge and willing for time to move slower than his feet are. There is a snake in his heart and it is slowly uncoiling, bringing promises of hate and pain and — Sasuke feels small and lost and alone, watching the sun set as the crickets chirp by the Naka River. He is five hours late home and Fugaku gives him a long lecture, which is mostly tuned out by him who is trying to remember the last time Itachi was there to train with him, to show him a super cool shinobi move. He can't, and the snake that is slowly eating away at his heart gives a feral hiss.

"Aniki, why are you never there for me?" He thinks of Hoshiko and Neji Hyuuga, joined at the hip. Who eat at the same table and train together in Training Ground Nineteen, who always _have time_ for each other. His demon informs him that the unpleasant emotion he's feeling is jealousy, only to be replaced by guilt as Itachi's eyes soften and he looks down at the floor.

"I'm... busy, Sasuke." It's the same old excuse and Sasuke doesn't like it. He doesn't like the sound of his voice — Itachi sounds, and looks, so _wrong_ in that moment, even if it's his same old Aniki, he gets the impression that something has changed. A subtle shift in the universe. Sasuke scoffs quietly and trudges upstairs, betrayal evident in those dark eyes. He wants someone to fix his brother (he feels so powerless beneath the might of the gods) and make everything better again (but it only goes downhill from here).

* * *

Dear Itachi Uchiha, the letter goes. Perfect grammar, individual hiragana and kanji made out of small newspaper clippings, folded and stuffed into his letterbox disguised as a mission.

Dear Itachi Uchiha, the one who issued your mission is the cause of all your problems; if you find enough information to convict him of his past crimes, you can clear your family's name. Murdering your family will only bring pain. I know Sasuke — sort of on a personal level I guess. He would be really sad if you left, but sadder if you left him without any support, because who knows what he'd do then? What would _Danzou_ do to him? He needs his family's support, politically if nothing else. There are better ways to resolve this.

Itachi frowns and heads out. When confronted by his mother, he replies that it is only 'the disposal of a bothersome love letter', to which she laughs and waves him off. How could he kill these people? He incinerates the letter with a Katon and buries the ashes near the bank of the Naka River. He wishes Danzou would just suddenly die of old age or something. (Maybe that could be... arranged.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned, as usual !! if u enjoyed this please don't forget to bookmark + kudos + comment  
even if i am doing this for my own amusement it makes me happy to see positive reviews and encourages me to post more :D
> 
> \+ the next chapter features  
itachi's decision/team selections/general world-building/ROOT stuff  
in general it's gonna be a very big chapter so STAY TUNED


	4. maybe we'll meet again in another life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (And I'll chase after a memory, Sasuke thinks.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this installment: brief mention of itachi, sasuke, training, hyuuga clan dynamics  
next episode: team selections, training, angst cause i'm sad and it's exam season  
stay tuned ♡  
(note: will try. my best. to update. but it's yearly season so i'm sorry if i don't. update within the month !!)

**iv. maybe we'll meet again in another life**

Fifty-six days, twenty-two hours and four minutes later comes the fateful day where the Uchiha were destined to go up in flames and blood splatters that Sasuke could never get off the floor no matter how hard he scrubbed and Sharingans awakened only to go out two seconds later in death. In a different world, in a different life, Uchiha Sasuke would devote his entire being to avenging his family: in this one, Uchiha Sasuke crawls under his bed and hides as chaos unfolds around him like flower petals in spring. Itachi has made his choice and his path is filled with pain.

An anguished howl echoes through Konohagakure no Satou, through the red-light district to the Hyuuga compound where Neji and Hoshiko stand inside their room with kunai drawn. (But nobody comes, nothing happens in the Hyuuga compound.) There is fire and hurt and it is strangely reminiscent of the Kyuubi incident nine years ago but there are no men and no monsters: there is only Uchiha Itachi, an anomaly of the universe. ANBU and ROOT alike swarm the rooftops, but yet one thing remains to be decided: who are they fighting? Why are they fighting? What remains to be fought for? And one singular truth which everyone knows of: Shimura Danzou is dead, murdered by Uchiha Itachi in the dead of night. Five animal masks follow the traitor Uchiha into the darkness but only two come out carrying the limp forms of their comrades.

_ Ōyamatsumi-sama, please protect my Aniki. _

(Itachi Uchiha is _tired_ and _sick of being a shinobi_ and he thinks that maybe one day, tens of millions of years in the future, someone will discover the mission scroll that started it all, and think: Itachi Uchiha was a martyr, Itachi Uchiha did not deserve this pain. But for now his generation will spit upon his name and whisper of his deeds in the darkness with fear and disgust, and it makes him feel like somehow this wasn't such a good decision, but it was the _only_ path he could've taken.)

* * *

Both Iruka and Mizuki are away and instead they get a Genin in his twenties who turns a blind eye to the class and instead mutters to himself from his seat at the front of the class, cigarette in his mangled hand. He tells them that Councilman Danzou is dead. That he wishes he was dead. That he hopes Konoha will die, and the shinobi along with their country, he says softly enough that nobody can hear him apart from Hoshiko and Sasuke who sit at the very front. The class stares on in awed silence, breaking out into familiar noise once they realise that he's going to do nothing more.

_ "You knew."  _ hisses Sasuke to Hoshiko, voice trembling with emotion.  _ "You knew something was wrong with Aniki, and you didn't tell me, and now —" _

"Now what?" asks Hoshiko, dango stick in hand. "What's wrong with your Aniki?" 

"Haven't you  _ heard? _ " Sasuke goes quiet and stone-faced. "He — he defected last night, Hyuuga! Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not my fucking fault your brother defected, Uchiha! If you were so concerned, you'd go defect and find him yourself —" 

"Help me, Hyuuga." He's quieter than he's ever been. "You're right, I'm going to find my Aniki."

Hoshiko groans and stabs Sasuke roughly with the dango stick. "That's such a bullshit idea, Uchiha. You'll get caught the second you step outta those gates. It's a nice morning and I don't have time to deal with you. Go bother someone else."

"No,  _ Hyuuga! _ You — you're the top of our class. Sure, your academic results are poor, but you excel at sparring! You —  _ please  _ help me." Sasuke can't believe he's downright begging the impassive Hyuuga who sits next to him and copies off him in History. "You  _ knew _ about Aniki." He glares at her accusingly, uttering his words through clenched teeth. "If you have a conscience, you'll help me."

"Unfortunately for you,  _ I don't _ ."

"Huh? Then what was that, helping Haruno defeat her bullies? Saying that  _ it made you feel bad if Ami's gonna beat you down because of what we indirectly did?  _ Joking around with her? Helping her with her katas? Teaching her basic elemental manipulation —  _ hell _ , a Genin like you shouldn't even know this sort of thing, let alone have the capability to teach someone else! If a nobody like Haruno is worth your time, surely I am too! I'm an Uchiha —"

"Yeah, it goes like this, Uchiha. By helping Haruno in a time of need, it guarantees us her absolute loyalty when the time comes. You could just accept our help and do some dumb shit with the things we teach you, like defecting." Hoshiko drawls. (Like what you did to Kakashi, goes unsaid. Using the one jutsu he has ever taught you to end the lives of many. Of your comrades, of your friends, of your neighbors.)

"I don't trust you, Uchiha."

"If you help me, I'll give you access to the Uchiha Library. I can't let you in, but I'll give you any scroll on any subject that I'm allowed to read."

Hoshiko grins, all sharp canine teeth and narrowed eyes and morally grey intentions. "Now we're talking, Uchiha."

"Uchiha, my brother here would like a scroll on sealing, preferably Sealing VII: An Intermediate Guide to Sealing. Throw in a few scrolls on Fire jutsu, too, and make it snappy."

"When are you two losers gonna train me?" Sasuke demands, enraged. "All you make me do is run around getting you stuff!"

Before Hoshiko has time to reply, Sakura speeds into the clearing, holding a bowl of spicy ramen and a bunch of loose change. Sasuke marvels at the sheer skill she has, to run at such speed without spilling the ramen or dropping the change.  _ Sakura's only been training under them for two months!  _

"Here's your ramen, Hyuuga-san. A-and, to answer your question, Sasu — Uchiha-san, it's for stamina training."

"Correct, kouhai. And you can accompany Uchiha to his clan compound, where you will make sure he's picking the correct and most relevant scrolls." Hoshiko smiles, continuing her chakra control exercise. Four leaves flutter off her forehead, leaving one remaining.

"Whoa, you suck ass at this exercise, Hyuuga." Sasuke smirks.

Hoshiko scowls. "Hurry the fuck up, Uchiha."

* * *

Sakura smiles. Her — and her Sasuke-kun — alone together! Going to his  _ clan compound! _ It's like a dream come true, almost. The _almost_ comes in the form of the way Uchiha-san clenches his teeth as they run. The way he lets the branches swipe at his face and draw red-hot blood from paper-white skin. His fingers so white she wonders if he has cut off his circulation with the way they're clenched tight. She frowns slightly.

The compound is like a deep dark gloomy maze, Sakura thinks as she stares up at the walls.

"Wait here, Haruno-san. Strangers are not permitted inside the compound due to heavy political tension right now." It's a sentence he heard Shisui say a few weeks ago, before _that incident happened_ and the Naka River ran red with tragedy. He misses Shisui a little, even though he'll never admit it to his face. He misses the sunshine that his cousin brings — now everything is just doom and gloom and elders hissing in the shadows. Sakura sees Sasuke look down sadly, and tries her best to smile for both of them.

"It's okay, Uchiha-san, I can henge!" Sakura wonders what _political tension_ means. She remembers reading a paper — one of the papers Okaasan said was 'bullshit' and threw away a little after — saying that the Uchiha were the perpetrators of the... something incident. She can't remember but she thinks the first two hiragana were 'kyu'. Was that an example of political tension?

"You can _henge__?_" It is at that moment that Sakura thinks that bringing up henge wasn't the most tactful thing to do, as an indecipherable expression flashes across Sasuke's face — almost akin to jealousy, but not quite — before it's quickly wiped off his face and replaced with the same anger mixed with sadness. 

( Sasuke, anger looks bad on you, please smile. )  
  
Sasuke feels trapped — trapped by his own inexperience, by his lack of _power_. He needs power to go out and find Aniki, to bring him back and tell everyone that they'd misjudged his brother, that Aniki would never do such a thing without sufficient reason. He needs time to accumulate power and there isn't enough because he needs Aniki back _now_, to tuck him into bed and tell him stories about his missions; to train with him and tell him where he's going wrong. Sasuke is eight going on nine but he suddenly feels _five_, vulnerable and afraid and alone as the dark embraces him. He wants Aniki back because Aniki can fix the smell of impending doom in the air and the looks on his clansmen's faces that are just so _wrong_ — dark and despairing and dangerous.

Sakura thinks the clan compound looks like a drab grey maze; all gloom and formality. She lets Sasuke lead her through winding passages and narrow alleys to the library. A woman shrieks in the distance, voice filled with pain. Suddenly the seemingly wilted grass feels like the fingers of dead men scrabbling away at her ankles and the wind sounds like it's whispering to her: _get out, go away — this is no place for someone like you_. She flinches away, withdrawing into herself.

"Here's the clan library. Wait here while I get the scrolls that Hyuuga-san requested." Sasuke disappears with cat-like stealth into the depths of the library, leaving Sakura alone. She reaches for the first scroll she sees: _The Power of Genjutsu — Edition 12. _It's dusty and looks like it's been untouched for decades, but for the time being, it's _hers_. 

( Genjutsu is one of the main jutsu categories which uses chakra... Using Genjutsu, one has the power to incapacitate and even destroy one's mind... ) 

Sakura is jolted out of her studies by a rough voice nearby, light footsteps echoing on wooden floor.

"Don't know how that bastard Itachi did it, but he did well." one drawls, reaching for a scroll just two shelves away from her, where she crouches, tense and immobile. 

"I thought you'd know." the second one adds, all raspy smoker voice with heavy Sunagakure accent. "I thought you were Itachi's friend."

"Ha!" the first one barks. "You think red-eye Uchiha over there _has _friends? Didn't he murder his best friend, Shunshin no Shisui? It was just a few days ago, too. Heard he drowned in the Naka River."

"Like I get to hear any interesting Clan news." his companion grumbles. "I got another long mission to Kiri. You know how it is. Plus, you're just annoyed he has the Mangekyou when _you_, twenty years old, have yet to unlock your _Sharingan._" Cue mocking laughter. Sakura discreetly attempts to shuffle away.

"Yeah yeah, like I _want_ the Mangekyou. Pinwheel eyes of pain, tch." Long pause, broken only by the slow tapping of sandals on porcelain tile. "Danzou deserved it."

Uchiha duo exit the library, leaving behind a wide-eyed almost-shinobi who wonders what the _Mangekyou_ is, who _Danzou_ is, what _Itachi _did.

"Uchiha-san, may I borrow this scroll?" Sakura holds out a copy of _The Power of Genjutsu — Edition 12._ It is intriguing and she can't wait to spend an entire afternoon lounging outside the house, up on a tree, burning the hours away. Sasuke grudgingly agrees and they walk back to the Hyuuga twins, Sakura spending the entire trip worrying about _why_ Sasuke looks so conflicted and helpless.

(And then she remembers.)

The morning — dark. Rays of red sunrise spilling over the horizon like blood from a body. Slowly, carefully. Footsteps on the roof, blood-curdling scream full of misery and pain. The morning — Okaasan at the table, reading a paper. Ink still fresh and staining her fingers black. Headlines blaze like the forest fire last night — **_UCHIHA ITACHI DEFECTS, COUNCILMAN DANZOU KILLED_. **Okaasan who hastily looks down and discards the paper like it's eating away at her fingers.

The boy — dark. Classical Uchiha smirk as all his kunai hit the target; graceful and flowing; mesmerizing. Slowly, carefully. Soft velvet voice, high-pitched in excitement. _My Aniki taught me how to do that! _She thinks it is beautiful. The boy — proud and desperate. Eyes wild as the world blurs past them in a rush of leaves and sky. Sakura who wants him to look up to her like he practically _worships_ his brother. Sakura who wants to be a somebody. (It's an honor to be anybody's anything. Sakura is a nothing civilian who reaches for the stars and dreams to be enough.)

* * *

"Thanks." Hoshiko smiles — a somewhat wicked, vindictive Shounen Antagonist smile — and reaches for the scrolls, tossing them carelessly over her shoulder. "Yo, Neji, you wanted this one, didn't you?" Neji smiles a little and catches the scrolls, taking in Sasuke's offended expression at the offhand way his Clan's precious scrolls are discarded.

"Why can't you get them from your own Clan Library?" Sasuke scoffs, irritated.

"Do you even have a _brain_ in there?" Hoshiko groans. "Look, two _branch house_ members walking into the library to get a scroll on _seals_? That's like an S-class missing-nin casually strolling into the Hokage's office and asking to have tea with him. We'd be detained and questioned immediately."

"What?" Sasuke gapes. "That's unreasonable! Why?"

"Clan laws. I'm going to train with Hinata starting tomorrow." Neji answers shortly, and the subject is thus dropped, with Sasuke wondering just what type of Clan the Hyuuga are. (He finds out a month after.)

It goes like this: Mizuki-sensei starts his Lecture of the Day, up on the podium. Hoshiko starts meditating as usual, Sasuke beside her reading a scroll on Chakra control under the table. Sensei's lecture is revealed to be on Doujutsu seals, to which Hoshiko opens her eyes blearily, and starts glaring daggers at him. Hinata fidgets in the background nervously, face pinker than usual, head down silently. Yet the two still listen. Hoshiko regrets a little — if she had been smarter during her first Yearly exam she wouldn't have deliberately flunked the History section and joined the class of the Konoha 12 in order to get to know them better. She wouldn't have to face a lecture like this — Mizuki's malicious smile and hollow eyes boring into her forehead. 

"The Hyuuga Clan," Mizuki reveals, "are one such Clan who use the uncommon practice of Doujutsu seals. That's right. Take a look at your classmates — Hinata and Hoshiko. Now, the thing with the Hyuuga Clan is that members of the Branch House, such as Hoshiko, are branded with a seal. They call it the Caged Bird seal. This seal lets the people in the Main House punish them when they do anything wrong, and makes their Doujutsu sealed away upon death so enemy shinobi cannot steal them. For example, if Hoshiko-chan here does anything wrong," he sneers cruelly, "Hinata-chan is able to cause Hoshiko-chan great pain with a single handsign, and even kill her — Would you like to demonstrate, Hinata-chan?" Hinata sinks further into her seat, shaking her head frantically.

"_Fuck you!_" Hoshiko spits from her seat right below Mizuki, vaulting over the table and onto the podium in a flash of white. "_I hope you die!_" The next few minutes is a mess of chaos and disorder. There is Hoshiko, sleeves billowing almost gracefully, contrasting lack of grace in her fierce movements. There is Mizuki, easily jounin-level, rushing to meet her in a flurry of taijutsu. She manages to block a few tenketsu, though they don't slow him down in the slightest — he is on a whole other level to Neji. The class's cries and screams are lost in the smoke of a Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu, a blazing inferno that licks at the wooden floor and swallows the corridor whole. Mizuki, ever a considerate teacher, puts it out almost lazily with a Suiton: Suiryudan no Jutsu — water dragon devours the flames and rains down in a torrent of hate upon her, cutting open silts on porcelain skin. A wall of smoke; dancing, twisting, the ghost of what was once a magnificent inferno — clouds the vision of both of them. Byakugan blazing, using the second of distraction, Hoshiko launches her precious senbon, aiming for his vitals. There is no more _morality_, no more _holding back_: there is only a man who has wronged all that she has stood for in a single lecture, and she thinks that he will look beautiful with his guts spilled out onto the floor, a crimson mess. Mizuki is not a good man, she remembers — laptop and soba and Episode 1 — and he will be better off dead. _Kill him_, a voice in the back of her head whispers.

(Iruka shunshins in hurriedly and restrains Hoshiko, knocking her out gently. "I'm going to be in contact with her clan, maybe even the Hokage.")

Mizuki is busy regaining control of his class, and ignores him. 

"It's not fair," Hinata stutters. "Hoshiko was — she was provoked. Mizuki said... bad things about our Clan."

"Yeah, dattebayo!" Naruto chimes in. "I dunno, but the Main House sounded really unfair to me. Why can't the Branch House do anything about it?"

He misses the way Hinata blinks back tears and straightens her back. "W-when I become Clan Head, I'm gonna get rid of that stupid seal, cause I — I love Neji-nii and Hoshiko-nee!"

Hinata may be Main House but she loves her once-cold Aniki and brash, vindictive Anego. The fact that Anego gave her a _chance_. The fact that _someone_ saw potential in her, makes her feel like she's enough, even if it's just a Branch House member. Someone who doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. (Yet  someone with the power to change the future for the better.)

For the first time in her life, Hinata stands up and fights back.

"I-it's not Hoshiko-san's fault." She stands up and meets Hiashi's gaze defiantly. Glancing to the side, she can almost sense some semblance of pride in Neji's stoic look. Renewing her efforts to convince her father, she straightens her back. Takes care to enunciate the words correctly and without a stutter. Drops the honorific. Stares into Hiashi's stormy eyes. "It's _not_ Hoshiko's fault. Don't do it to her."

"Regardless of whoever's fault it was," Hiashi frowns, "Hoshiko brought trouble upon the Clan. That alone doesn't change. Fighting an Academy instructor? Causing chaos inside the Academy? Property damage? I heard even the _Hokage_ was notified. Despite provocation, she has to be punished."

Neji looks down and frowns, standing up straight. "Understood. I will bring Hoshiko in." he spits venomously, making a hasty escape from stuffy room filled with tension. He — Neji hates this powerless state, this inability to do anything. He thought he was training to get stronger to protect his loved ones, but so far everything that he touches has crumbled and fallen away — he is bringing Hoshiko to Hiashi like a lamb to the slaughter. He hates this injustice, hates his world; painful and filled with hurt. Hates the Hyuuga Main House most of all. Hates and hates and _hates_.

"Hoshiko." He is walking too fast. He wills for time to slow down, to _stop_, so he can enjoy the last few seconds of his childhood. (It doesn't, and his childhood is long gone already.) "Hiashi-sama wants to see you." He draws out his syllables, takes deep breaths in between each carefully uttered word. Slowly, slowly. Time creeps along — No. Time flies by like a blackbird against white clouds. Soon they are both at Hiashi's door — at death's door. No. This is not death — this is a fate worse. All is fittingly quiet.

"I'm sorry, Neji," she laughs quietly. "I picked a fight with Mizuki, it was me, I deserve this. Don't be sad." Lies even though her heart clenches painfully at every word. Removes the bandages around her forehead — green, pain and suffering — for the world to see. (There is no world; there is only Neji and Hoshiko and Hinata and _oh_ — a resigned sigh — Hiashi and the elders.) "Neji," A long pause. Pale eyes breaking. "I love you."

Slips out of his grasp like smoke; pale and wispy and short-lived, the aftermath of disaster. Kneels in front of Hiashi with all the grace she can muster. One hand sign — the same one Mizuki displayed in class. Screams in pain for the next ten minutes, thirty-eight seconds, and five milliseconds — until her throat gives out, curled up into herself, small and as vulnerable as Neji has ever seen his big sister. Neji covers his ears as best as he can, crouching against the wall, whiteness spinning around him. Then a dull thud — fragile body hitting tiled floor. The silence of the room broken only by Hoshiko's shallow breaths. Neji rushes in — is it his imagination or are the walls closing in? — and scoops her up in his arms, bowing sloppily at Hiashi and all but sprinting away.

It is a long journey from the Clan Head's room to the most insignificant Branch House members' residences, and Neji notices _so much_ as he rushes by — they aren't called All-Seeing Eyes for nothing, damn it! He sees contempt and disinterest n the stiff postures of those Main House shinobi, sometimes mixed in with a hint of disbelief. A mother reprimanding her child loudly as he dashes past the whitewashed houses.

"See here," she glares, "they activate the Caged Bird seal on children as early as _ten! _You should be glad you're a Main House member, you insolent idiot."

"Yes, Mama." Opaque eyes glance curiously at Neji. "H-hey, sir! Are you from the Branch House?"

Neji skids to a halt in front of them, bowing lowly. "Yes, I am. I am in a rush, my apologies." Bolts away in a blur of white.

"That child," the mother murmurs, "has a look in his eyes far beyond his years."

Past the Main House residences, past the training fields. Neji's legs seize up a bit, but he keeps going, channeling yet more chakra. Past the river and the sycamore trees they used to play in as a kid, and there are yet more children near that river, laughing and shrieking. (His eyes burn a bit, yet he keeps running, blinking away the memories.) Past the first houses — past Nobuyuki the desk chuunin's house, past Kumiko who is soon to be wed to another Hyuuga, her cousin, who stares with wide eyes and a waxen hand pressed tightly to her mouth, past Michi who gets up every day at 5 o'clock sharp to train. Yuudai who stops Neji and offers some salve, grimacing in familiarity. Yasu who offers to bake him some cake. Naoki who asks if he wants her to call her healer friend, a request politely declined by Neji. The Branch House members are like one big family and Neji is grateful for the compassion they show, small actions conveying their camaraderie. (Branch House members watch out for each other, because who will otherwise?)

"I really, really hate the Caged Bird seal." Kouki whispers as he slows to a walk, only two blocks away from home. "You'll do it, right, Neji? They call you a prodigy. You'll free us from this slavery, won't you?" Tugging at his sleeve urgently. "You'll do it, Neji! I believe in you." Retreating back into alabaster houses with curtains drawn, slipping away like shadows.

"Oh my, what has Hoshiko done this time?" Tomiko gasps. "I'll bring over some dango, be back in a second." Reappears with her arms full of bundles. "The Main House has been talking again, Neji. They say you two are cursed with misfortune." Neji shrugs and continues walking, clutching healing salve and a few bundles of dango close to his chest, close to Hoshiko. 

"I'll protect her better this time," Neji mumbles as he unlocks the door. "I won't let you down again, Hoshiko!" 

Slowly, carefully, Hoshiko opens her bloodshot eyes, tears framing her lashes. "What the _hell__?_" she rasps tiredly. "Maybe things would've been different if I had beat Mizuki's ass into the ground." It is late afternoon and the sun is setting, crickets chirping in the distance. A lazy afternoon. Neji carefully hands her a cup of water, sighing. 

"Hoshiko, I'm so _tired_, you know? Tired — not of you, but of the Main House. Tired of this —" He waves his arms around. "All of this —" Unfairness seems too light a word to use. "So tired —” He doesn't get very far before he collapses onto the sofa clumsily. "Pass the ramen."

That night Hoshiko cannot sleep, a thousand scenarios running through her aching head, each worse than the one before it. Dying honorably in battle, dying for a cause she didn't particularly care about, a country she couldn't give two shits about. Dying against the Main House, seal activated; dying in agony as a thousand needles pierce her body. Dying somewhere obscure after defecting; nobody would know and nobody would care, apart from Neji. Her first death — slow torment, burning bodies, the smell of searing skin. Trapped. (And she wonders why she likes Katon jutsus so much.) Dying in battle, protecting Neji. Somehow it always comes down to Neji, another fake character in a fabricated world. (Yet she loves him like she loves a real brother. Neji is as real as the stars above.) Hoshiko falls asleep to the sound of Neji gently snoring and the first notes of a piano sonata, played by her neighbor in the dead of night.

This is the aftermath: Hoshiko turns up to school with fresh bandages and bloodshot eyes, glaring at Mizuki who dutifully glares back. A few months later, she passes the end-of-year history exam with full marks, each character written with spite and hatred, the most complicated kanji she knows, and blood-red pen. She transfers back to Neji's class, to the safety and comfort that is Iruka's teachings. The Hokage talks to her — once, after the incident — and agrees that Mizuki's conduct was unreasonable. (He doesn't do anything about it, though, but leave her in quiet suffering, drowning in hatred. He sits atop his throne and watches her fall.) Her classmates watch her warily, apart from Lee, who approaches and says that Despite the Unyouthful Conduct, Your Ninjutsu Skills are Excellent, all capital letters and exclamation marks. Another year passes and she is _eleven_. (She is twenty-seven.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so bad at writing fight scenes  
I. on naru2 wiki, it says that mizuki was "a very clever and talented ninja with a knack for learning advanced techniques... only never advanced beyond chūnin because of suspicions...Third Hokage admits he is an excellent shinobi... shown to be a very cunning manipulator..." so easily jounin-level.  
therefore obviously hoshiko can't defeat him cause nobody likes mary-sues
> 
> II. y'all think mizuki is unprovoked and the lesson is clearly an example of plot convenience? i feel like mizuki, who was described as having an 'inferiority complex and cant stand having anyone look down upon him', would obviously dislike hoshiko who a) is pretty good shinobi for her age, being neji's twin and everything even though she lowkey pretends to be dumb and b) uses his class to meditate, obviously 'looking down' upon his lesson content. so mizuki, who is sort of a vicious sadistic bastard, would obviously use this opportunity to get back at hoshiko
> 
> III. as stated in the story, hoshiko pretends to be bad at history to get closer to the konoha 12, but she's in neji's class for prac like sparring and pdhpe, since im guessing they have separate teachers and classes for most things? also she doesnt do kunoichi class cause clan stuff, just to clear things up
> 
> (yeah hoshiko has highkey shit chakra control LOL)  
dont forget to comment/kudos/bookmark ily all & thx for reading :D  
im sorry for the late update-ish it's yearly term but i'll do my best  
hehe im so bad at fight scenes im sorry :c


	5. end of eudaimonia (beginning of eternity)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not likely to die   
The result for the days of spending time away from home  
It's the end of the Autumn  
— Basho

**v. end of eudaimonia (beginning of eternity)**

"Thank you for teaching me everything." Sakura bows besides Sasuke, who she drags down along with her, laughing slightly. "You're going to be a genin soon, aren't you, Hoshiko-senpai?"

(There is one year until the official beginning of Canon.)

"Yeah, I am." Hoshiko smirks. "Train hard, my cute kouhais!"

"Providing you don't fail the genin exam, that is." Sasuke shrugs condescendingly, all haughty Uchiha pride as usual.

Training with Hoshiko and sometimes Neji is like spicy ramen on a summer day: full of flavor, too much for anyone to handle. It is also, quite literally, spicy ramen on a summer's day. Sakura swears she's never seen Hoshiko eat anything else, apart from dango on the odd day.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun." Sakura smiles, reaching for a strand of loose, short hair and tucking it behind her ear. "Are you sad that Hoshiko-senpai and Neji-senpai can't train us anymore?"

"I suppose it's a shame," Sasuke answers carefully. "Despite how annoying they were, I learnt. Only a few mediocre jutsu, but I learnt all the same."

"Sasuke-kun," she asks tentatively, "would you... still want to train with me?"

"Sure," Sasuke shrugs. "It's not like anyone else can match up to us, anyway. Just - be prepared to lose." Confident and skillful, as always, much like Canon-Sasuke. Yet at the same time, more willing to let people in. Maybe it is the fact that only Itachi is gone and Sasuke still has his whole — not completely supportive, but they've softened towards him — family. He can tell in the way Okaasan makes sure to smile at him and tell him she is proud, how Otousan compares him less and less to Itachi and looks at him with pride in his eyes more and more. (It feels  _ wrong _ , somehow. Like Itachi has ceased to exist, is not present in whatever world his parents and the world live in. He is beginning to forget — How Itachi poked his forehead, how he always smelled like smoke and damp corridors and  _ shinobi _ . He  _ has _ to remember. He  _ can't _ forget. He  _ needs _ his Aniki back.)

"No way, shannaro!" Sakura laughs. "I learnt a new genjutsu yesterday, and you're just the person I can try it out on!"

"Hey, why'd you want to start training?"

Sasuke thinks for a while before answering. In a way, the question is more personal and private than each of the others she's asked. Quietly prodding away at his walls, his history. Just when Sakura is ready to back down and apologize, he starts speaking. He doesn't know  _ why _ he feels so comfortable around her — at the start she was just a weak crybaby who challenged him to spars every second week; barely worth his time. He can remember (better than he remembers his own brother) those starting weeks, when he would beat her down into the ground and she'd get up again, eyes filling with tears, to try out a new genjutsu or ninjutsu. She always lost, some more than others, but she always stood up straight and walked away with a new resolve — he guesses it was  _ annoying _ , at first, such persistence in the face of defeat. At the start she just seemed like a fangirl who wanted to impress him, however subtly, but he thinks she grew into a good teammate and sparring partner. He allows himself to be weak — not weak, open. He allows himself to open up his cold facade, even if it's only a little, in front of her — pink-haired girl with stars in her green eyes. (They are not friends. They are comrades.)

"I want to get my Aniki back. That's it. I have to get stronger." he says flatly, turning away a little.

"Oh." 

"So why did  _ you _ start training?" Sasuke asks.

"I... You remember Ami?" Sakura fidgets with the hem of her shirt a little, quietly embarrassed.

"She was annoying." Girls like Ami are beneath Sasuke's attention, he thinks, internally grimacing a little. Remembering violet hair and loud love confessions in which she forced her superficial, unnecessary feelings onto him. The corners of his mouth unconsciously turn down a little.

"Yeah," Sakura sighs. "She used to bully me a lot, right? Like, she'd say things like — well, she mostly insulted my forehead, but occasionally she'd tell me I was useless and would amount to nothing. Guess I just wanted to be a  _ somebody _ ." A pause, and she adds "So that, hundreds and hundreds of generations in the future, people will talk about Haruno Sakura with the same respect and awe as people of this generation talk about Senju Hashirama." 

"Yet you still can't beat me in a spar," Sasuke smirks. 

"I'll beat you tomorrow, dattebayo!" Sakura announces, fist held high in a mockery of Naruto, as Sasuke splutters and chokes on his dango. 

"Please don't do that again."

(Sakura wonders how she and  _ the  _ Uchiha Sasuke became friends. Maybe it was that harsh winter night, where she just wanted a Katon to warm her up — in which she walked to the hospital with first-degree burns stinging her skin. Maybe it was the time she bought him dango after a particularly vigorous,  _ youthful _ training session. Maybe — She can't remember when he started staring at her with a semblance of respect, acknowledgement visible in dark eyes.)

* * *

The Genin exam is almost so easy as to be unmentionable. Team arrangements are, however, different. (And it is at that moment Hoshiko realises how  _ important _ it is not to screw up the storyline. She's already probably screwed up majorly, though, and her heart pounds in her chest as she thinks clearly for the first time in seemingly  _ years _ . How bad it was that Danzou died — who knows what's happening to ROOT right now? Did they get a new leader, maybe? Will the  _ economy _ change very much because ROOT is no longer there to accept missions, and if then, will the Sand/Sound invasion even happen? Will Sasuke get his curse mark and possibly defect? The future is a blur, all because she had the stupidity to screw the timeline up. All she has are taijutsu skills and a knowledge of the Main Antagonists and their skills. And Neji — she can't lose Neji.)

Iruka seems to be speaking too slowly. Team One are no-names, Team Two are nobodies. Hoshiko feels her hands sweat almost imperceptibly, her heart rate refusing to slow down. To overlook such an important event! What if she messed up Team Gai's dynamics so badly — she can almost imagine it. Lee doesn't discover the ability to open the Eight Gates, Tenten doesn't have her weapon ability properly cultivated, Neji —

(What if she  _ ruins _ Neji's future, his chances of survival? That's all Hoshiko is: an anomaly of the universe, one with barely enough power to take on a chuunin at that. Despite training seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year.)

"...will be Neji Hyuuga, Rock Lee, and Tenten."

Cue audible sigh of relief as Hoshiko slumps down in her chair, head hitting the desk with a dull thump.

"And Team Five will be Hoshiko Hyuuga, Yuuta Inoue, and Ryou Nara, lead by Hiraku Hatanaka."

Minor characters. Great. Hoshiko can work with that, she thinks. (She really can't.)

Hatanaka-sensei — middle-aged. From first glance, seeming to be a laid back person. Complete with long hair in a ponytail and the beginnings of a fine beard. Two swords strapped to his back — bukijutsu user? Dark, hazy eyes which glance over newly minted genin, almost unseeing. Inoue-san — natural troublemaker. She doesn't remember him too well apart from the frequent bouts of anger when he lost a spar. Nara-san — scarily quiet, probably the 'middle man' of their team. Eyes dart around the clearing warily. Firm grip on kunai — fingers turning white. Seems to be a troublesome team.

"Alright. Introductions. Seeing as you all seem to know each other, let's take turns saying one thing you've never told anyone else."

Inoue-san goes first. "During my time in the Academy, I lost only thirty-eight spars." Hoshiko's eye twitches.  _ Only? _

Nara-san remains quiet and unmoving, so Hoshiko takes it upon herself to say something. "I beat down some genin behind the school for insulting my brother."

All three of them turn subtly towards the remaining member, who bites his lip and starts speaking softly. "When I was seven, a member of the Council approached me and asked me to join his underground training squad. Well. He didn't really ask, I just went with him. I stayed there for two years doing illegitimate missions. I was never branded because I wasn't on his personal guard rotation, and it was taken for granted that I would never get out. Ultimate loyalty. But I was too weak, but physically and emotionally, to accept his conditioning. When I was nine, he was killed by a certain Itachi Uchiha. That was three years ago. The group was disbanded. I thought I would inform you because you would find out sooner or later." Inoue-san's mouth opens and closes, dumbfounded.

"Wow,  _ shinobi clans _ obviously get better treatment and opportunities." Hoshiko turns away, preparing for the bloodbath/breakdown/look of utter guilt and remorse at misunderstanding.

"No, it was not, Inoue-san. He was harsh and vicious. Corporeal punishments were dealt for insubordination. We were taught to be elite shinobi; to be the perfect shinobi."

"Oh." The mood immediately goes stale, Inoue-san and Nara-san looking at each other with slight hostility. "Well, that's sad."

"Uh, okay. We have to do an exam. Assess each other's skills." Inoue-san collapses dramatically while Nara-san doesn't even twitch at the information. 

"Um. Let's do a survival exercise. I'm going to throw you into Training Ground Fourty-four and you will have three days to get to the tower in the center. I accept no liability for deaths. Sign this waiver, please. Then I'm going to go to Ichiraku's with my girlfriend. I'll see you in the tower in three days." He shunshins away — it all happens in under thirty seconds — leaving them disorientated in the middle of nowhere. Well, the Forest of Death, to be precise. Hoshiko panics a little, not for her own safety, but for Neji's. Surely he won't do anything stupid with her gone. 

"So, Inoue-san, Hyuuga-san. What do you suggest we do?" Hoshiko smirks. They'll be out of this place by sunset if she has anything to do with it.

"I recognize this trail," Hoshiko laughs. "Head west for two kilometres." An eternity of playing in the Forest of Death like it is a playground have sharpened her skills, made her aware of the ever-changing terrain. The small Nara nods, almost in respect, and they are off.

"Wait, have you guys learnt tree walking yet?" Hoshiko asks. It would be a lot easier to travel atop the trees, meaning that they would have a view of everything, including the iconic tower in the centre, she thinks. Both of them nod.

"What about weapons?" Inoue-san asks, dumping his weapon kit onto the ground unceremoniously. "I have ten kunai, two tanto, and a grand total of  _ no _ rations. Also, five shuriken and a roll of ninja wire. One explosive tag, 'cause I can't afford any more."

"I have an entire pack of explosive tags, twenty kunai and shuriken stringed together, and a chakra pill." Nara-san agrees.

Hoshiko empties her pack. "I have two packets of senbon, a bottle of poison, wait are these my receipts from Ankorodou? Um. Also a scroll — what's this? Tales of a Gutsy Ninja. Two crumpled packets of explosive tags. I found twenty ryo!" she cheers triumphantly.

The duo turn to stare at her disapprovingly. "What? I'm a taijutsu user."

"Alright. Nara-san, give her some kunai." Inoue-san orders, and he complies without complaint, handing over five kunai.

"I'm fine, I have my senbon." Hoshiko waves him off, pushing the kunai away. "Let's go! Hurry up! Neji-nii is going to beat my ass if I'm back home late!"

(Ryou doesn't know why he told everyone about ROOT. He had nothing better to say, but the words slipped out of his mouth like ink through a broken jar. Maybe it was the look from Inoue-san that was rubbing him the wrong way — an almost-superior look, like he was doubting his ability. Maybe it was what Hyuuga-san said before — that she'd been in fights. Maybe he just wanted to prove himself, but now he feels stupid for making so much drama. The looks on their faces, though — Inoue-san looked awed, then guilty; Hatanaka-sensei just quietly horrified. Then Hyuuga — instead of the usual pitiful emotions bringing up ROOT usually evoke, her face filled with doubt like she was thinking about a math question. Maybe he was silent for so long that he had to, just had to tell someone or lose his voice permanently like his superiors.)

The first challenge comes in the form of a giant centipede — no, two or three — rushing towards them in a mass of limbs and legs. The forest is full of them — watching, waiting. Before anyone can do anything, Inoue-san splutters and whips out his only explosive tag, misjudging the speed of the centipedes and igniting it in a rush. A bang, a surge of light, and all three (six, including the centipedes) of them are hurled into the air unceremoniously by the force of the detonation, two of which silently cursing his recklessness.

(The aftermath: three headaches, one bruised arm, and minus one explosive tag. Three centipedes successfully annihilated, curled up and smoking on the ground.)

The second challenge goes like this: the boys, however unwisely, allow Hoshiko to set the pace. They lose her. Rookie mistake caused by lack of communication.

Inoue-san slows to match the Nara's pace. "Seen Hoshiko? I lost her."

Ryou allows himself one —  _ one!  _ — contemptuous glance. "How did you lose her? I was following you." 

"Eh, she was too fast. I think we can make camp now. After all, she can see us with her _bloodline_ _limit _or something, right?" There is an uncharacteristic hardening in his voice when he says the words 'bloodline limit'. Angry? Contemptuous? Jealous? Ryou can't pinpoint it, but it definitely has a negative connotation. Inoue-san seems to dislike him regardless of the Nara Clan not having a kekkei genkai, and the feeling is mutual. There's just something about him that rubs Ryou the wrong way, like his brash vindictiveness and how he seems to be angry at the world; angry and loud and proud and overwhelming.

"Sure." Ryou doesn't want a new friend anyway. He's used to being alone; training alone, sleeping alone, killing alone. Before team selections, maybe he had desired for comrades — to hurt with, to suffer with. He doesn't want anything to do with Inoue, who has seemed to hate, or at least have a distaste for, Hoshiko and himself at first glance. If only, if only ROOT conditioning had wiped out all his emotion, all his humanity. (He always knew he was too weak.)

They make camp in silence. (If either of them concentrate enough, they will be able to hear a voice up high in the trees, laughing.)

* * *

Neji doesn't particularly like his team. He doesn't  _ hate _ them, per se — it is with a mixture of contempt and indifference that he gazes at them. There is the girl — amateur weapons specialist, twin buns, forgettable. There is the boy with damaged chakra coils whose loud voice makes up for his lack of power. The sensei; loud and passionate; makes him want to crawl back into bed. He doesn't want them to drag him down. ( _ Down from what?  _ the voice in his head asks. He doesn't know. He needs to progress, to get better. Opportunities only present themselves to people with power, and that is one thing he does not currently possess.)

"...my Very Youthful Students! We will begin training tomorrow, at the crack of dawn! Meet here at precisely four-thirty!" 

They head their separate ways, with Neji walking back home alone — not home. Just the Compound with blank white walls and stone-faced Main House members. After years and years of being joined at the hip, the place where Hoshiko always walked on his left feels empty and alone, and it is almost colder despite it being a warm summer day. He looks back once, and sees the spandex-clad duo training together, shouting out praise. It makes him feel more lonely.

He punches away the hours at a training post until his hands are bruised and bleeding instead of going straight back to the compound. Back to the residence, as the sun sets in the west, still alone. He sees Hinata on the way and they walk for a bit.

"Neji-nii, how was your first day training with your teammates?" She smiles a bit. "Are you free to spar a little before heading back to the compound?"

"It was... a unique experience. We have time for one spar before I have to head back to prepare dinner."

Hinata is yet still too weak, too  _ slow _ , and he finds himself taking out all his frustration in punches carefully angled for maximum pain. He yearns for a good fight, the blood in his veins restless and agitated. Craves the rush of adrenaline, the satisfaction of a good fight. Neji ends the spar in five minutes and calls it a night, bidding Hinata a quiet goodbye as he heads off to buy groceries.

He comes home to absolute silence, and he can't help thinking that something is wrong. His first instinct is to beat up Hiashi and ask him what he has done with his sister, but he knows that is not the case. Without Hoshiko, he feels as if the world is just a little off-kilter — unfamiliar and  _ incorrect _ , like there are butterflies in his stomach forcing themselves out. Heading out into the market district,  _ everybody _ looks like Hoshiko. Everyone has pale skin and dark hair; everyone walks with the stealth and quietness of a shinobi. Neji jumps at shadows and chases after ghosts, before heading back into the Compound.  _ What if something has happened? _ Neji can't sleep that night, tossing and turning. Unable to stand the silence. 

The next morning is as chaotic as a training session with Gai gets. It is the pain of waking up at four, the fresh morning air stinging his arms. Hoshiko has not yet returned and he forces down the uneasy feeling in his gut like he chokes down his breakfast. He jogs lightly to the training grounds, attempting to stretch out his limbs. Gai is already there, smiling down at him as he does his warm-up katas. So is Lee, obviously — by the training post, doing push-ups, still energetic despite the early morning. Tenten rushes in at four twenty-five, as the first rays of sun spill over the horizon.

"Alright, we will now embrace the Youthfulness of the early morning and do two — no, five laps around Konoha!"

"Only  _ five,  _ Gai-sensei?" Lee gasps incredulously. "I will do  _ ten! _ On my hands! And I will do them in under two hours! No, an hour! Otherwise I will cartwheel around the civilian district fifty times!"

Neji and Tenten exchange a long-suffering look.

"I feel so bad for the civilians," Tenten laughs as they jog off into the sunrise. "They won't know what hit them."

Neji allows himself to smile as he exchanges small talk with the kunoichi, but the worry inside him is still there; deep and dark and overwhelming.

"Who would've known that Maito Gai was such a training enthusiast?" Tenten slows to a fast walk on their third lap. "I want to sleep already."

"Clearly you've never been woken up at six in the morning by a voice outside your window shouting about youth." Neji deadpans.

They both shudder a little at the thought, looking at the two spandex-clad training fanatics miles in front of them.

"If you strain your ears hard enough, you can still hear those two shouting about youth," the kunoichi laughs. "I wonder what they'd be like on espionage missions."

" _ Oh, that wasn't very youthful — I mean, nice of you to hit that shinobi, sir! Please desist from such unyouthful conduct! _ " Neji imitates in a high-pitched voice. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable enough with the kunoichi that he can even joke around with her — probably the bond they share from early mornings and sore legs. In fact, it's so out of character he surprises even himself. He really isn't the best conversationalist, but for now talking serves as a good distraction from the vacuum that is his residence.

"The enemy shinobi would be so scared just by the word 'youthful' they'd run away," Tenten snickers. "Only two laps to go, Hyuuga-san!"

After warm-up laps comes the terror of push-ups and sit-ups. And after that is taijutsu. Spars. Neji is paired with Bowl Cut and he beats his ass into the ground, even easier than he did Hinata. 

"Your taijutsu is excellent, Hyuuga-san! You are a worthy Rival!" Eyebrows cheers as he picks himself up from off the floor. "Because I lost, I will do five hundred curl-ups!"

Neji is so tired he collapses onto warm grass and falls asleep under mid-morning sun, limbs aching. Tenten does the same, standing under the shade and polishing her weapons. Lee is a different story — having finished his five hundred curl-ups, he moves on to katas with Gai-sensei's enthusiastic encouragement in the background.

The afternoon is weapons training, where Tenten really shines, showing off all her sealed weapons. They take turns aiming for each other and attempting to dodge weapons. At the end, Neji is sorer than ever, with throbbing fingers and aching legs from running away. Yet the day is not over — Gai-sensei instructs them to do two laps around Konoha at the end of the afternoon to 'cool down'. Silently cursing his sensei, Neji forces his tired legs to move, lagging a way behind the dynamic duo that is Gai and Lee. That's when he spots her and her team.

(Her team: short Nara covered with bruises, unnamed civilian covered with scratches, herself with a deep wound on her left cheek. Neji runs faster than he ever had to greet her, and it is almost as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.)

"Where were you?" Neji asks, and it comes out harsher than he intended. "I was... worried," he admits softly.

"I'm sorry, Neji," she says just as softly. "My bastard of a sensei got sick of us and threw us into Training Ground Forty-four. Would've been fine on my own but my teammates had this epic fight. I heard them from two miles away. And, and there was this giant spider, and it scratched me and I got poisoned! Poisons are actually really useful. I wonder if there's a poisons specialist in the village."

"I'm still training right now," Neji says, "but you could suffer with me. And then we’ll find a specialist."

"Of course I'll train with your  _ youthful _ teacher," Hoshiko laughs. "See you!" She waves at the rapidly disappearing forms of her team, who had retreated as soon as the word 'youthful' was said. 

(The aftermath: Youthful greetings were interchanged, Hoshiko promised to spar with Team Gai once her own team training was over, and all was well. Until the next morning, when Hatanaka-sensei dropped The Bombshell.)

"Guys, I'm enrolling you in the chunin exams in eight months. So for this morning, we're going to train with Team Gai, and we're also going to do bukijutsu training in the afternoons. We'll try and improve our chakra reserves in the afternoons, and um. Ninjutsu and genjutsu training on the weekends? I feel like I'm missing something..."

"Sensei, what about missions?  _ Some people  _ don't have  _ clan funds  _ to back them, you know." Inoue-san speaks up.

"Uh, sure. Mondays?" Hatanaka-sensei shrugs.

"You know that clans don't actually back their individual members up, right?" Hoshiko interjects loudly. "As a Branch House genin, 5% plus 2.75% of my income goes towards maintaining the main house; Hiashi-sama and his family. The clan tax goes up as your rank goes up, with all ANBU paying a quarter of their wages to the Main House." She frowns. 

"That's true," Nara-san adds thoughtfully. "Sure, our parents care for us too, but that's no different from a civilian parent providing for their children."

"Yeah, but clan children still get other benefits!" Inoue-san argues. "Like, uh, you guys get to enter the Academy early!"

"So what?" Nara-san glares. "What if we didn't want to be shinobi? How would that help us?"

"Why wouldn't you? Plus, how many clan kids do you know that aren't shinobi?"

"Well," Nara-san drawls triumphantly, "I have a friend... from the Uchiha clan... who works at that dango shop and goes to the civilian Academy."

"Isn't that such a waste? They were born with so much opportunity but they chose not to make the most of it. That's sorta selfish." Inoue-san frowns.

"No, it's  _ not! _ "

"What about people like civilian kids? They don't get half as much opportunity!"

"You create your own opportunities, Inoue-san! You don't need to be from a prestigious clan just to have  _ opportunity! _ "

"But it's easier to — to get backing! For jobs like T & I! Don't you need someone to back you up to get the position, to say that you're a suitable candidate?" 

"Are you saying that it's difficult to make friends? Can't you just, I don't know, talk to a chunin and  _ ask? _ " 

"Guys, shut up." Hatanaka-sensei speaks up. "We're here."

Tenten revels in the way Neji's face almost seems to light up at the sight of his sister. The way he allows himself to smile, allows his body to relax almost imperceptibly. How he almost softens. (Tenten has so much respect for Hoshiko Hyuuga, tamer of storms.) It had seemed like a smiling, joking Neji was a one-off event, and Neji had reverted back to his awkward stoic self in the morning. Until Hoshiko.

"Neji-nii!" Hoshiko smiles and rushes towards him.

Tenten has heard a lot about Hoshiko; she was the sort of person that Academy girls gossiped about, told stories about in the dead of night. The sort of person that teachers would have a conversation with in the middle of the hallways, all disapproving scowls and red marks on paper. The sort of person who everyone seemed to know, despite not knowing those who talked about her.

("Hoshiko Hyuuga is transferring to our class," Iruka begins. Tenten notices the class tense up, the kunoichi start whispering ominously.

'I heard Hyuuga fought with Mizuki-sensei last year, and almost won.'

'Yeah, no shit. The fight was so loud and she set half the corridor on fire.'

'Hyuuga? That bitch. Beat me up behind the bathrooms for saying her eyes looked weird.'

'Isn't that Neji Hyuuga's twin? Shouldn't she be in our grade?'

'Nah, I heard she was shit at history so got held back a year. Seems legit, she doesn't act like the studious type.'

'You don't say!')

This Hoshiko — the Hoshiko Hyuuga who once purchased five packets of senbon from the shop she volunteers at one morning — is a completely different person from what those rumors make her out to be. Hoshiko is quiet and soft with a beautiful smile. (Until they start training, when Tenten realizes that she is terribly, grievously incorrect.)

Gai-sensei starts with another six laps around Konoha, to which the loud genin on Hoshiko's team starts complaining loudly. Tenten frowns but starts her 'warm-ups' without complaint. Already Lee has so much energy and it is only five in the morning. Even the sun wakes up later than Gai-sensei and his team. Spars progress with aggressive cursing, mainly coming from the Hyuuga on Team Hatanaka. Hoshiko is matched up with Neji and gets rather violently stomped into the dirt at the twelve-minute mark. Inoue finds himself lightly sparring against Lee, promising to train together. Nara is matched up with Tenten and have a technical debate about the practicalities of senbon, with a lot of arm-waving from Hoshiko at the side. Hatanaka-sensei smiles at Gai, who gives him a big thumbs up and a flashy smile. They leave at the point where Team Gai starts to do weapons training, sighing in relief. Neji is tired by the time the sun disappears below the horizon, but it is a good type of tired; the  _ tired _ that occurs before people go to bed and leave behind in their room.

* * *

"I am nothing," Yuuta Inoue chants to himself as he practices weapon stances with flimsy practice sword by the river. "I am small. Insignificant. I am a speck of gold amidst piles of dust. I am nothing but at the same time, I will  _ be someone _ ." (He doesn't see Ryou's wary gaze, doesn't see his face darken and turn away.)

Yuuta Inoue grew up chasing the stars. At times he would spend hours upon hours at the Hokage tower, loitering by the stairs and watching; waiting with curious child eyes. Sometimes he'd ask the nicer-looking chuunin for tips. Inoue-san was popular, almost famous at the missions desk. He thinks he wants to be one of those; brave and strong and proud, fighting for his country. A glorious way of defeat; to die on the battlefield for your friends and comrades. He grew up reaching for the sky but he was always miles and miles away, and no matter how much he fought he just couldn't reach it.

("I was born with deformed chakra coils!" the bowl-cut on Gai's team confides to him.

"How are you still a shinobi?" Inoue asks, more curious than condescending.

"Anything can be achieved through hard work, Inoue-san. Even if you start out in the gutters, one day you'll be amongst the stars.")

The Incident occurs at six, and it goes like this: Shounen antagonists often lurk with slanted predator eyes (yellow, watching from the walls) and cigarette in hand, complete with raspy smoker voice. Shounen antagonists often dress in black and melt into the shadows because the shadows hide their horrific scars. Inoue-san's neighbor is none of these. Inoue-san's neighbor is proud Yamanaka with sky-blue eyes and blonde tresses. Inoue-san's neighbor is a desk chuunin, proud to serve his country. He is — a work of art, with deep eyes and perfect glassy skin and bone-white hands which have probably never touched a kunai without finger-less gloves on. The Yamanaka has probably never experienced the war, never so much as stepped out of Konoha on a mission. (Inoue-san doesn't know this. He only knows Yamanaka-san who is beautiful and perfect and  _ so much better than him _ . He is wrong.) 

"You'll never be a shinobi." is the first thing his new neighbor says to him.

"Huh?" he asks, stopping his childish ramblings to his small friend. "Of course I will!"

Yamanaka-san bumps into him on the way down the stairs, slamming him roughly into a wall. He stops talking.

The second thing his neighbor says to him is "Why are you still here?"

"I live here?" he asks.

"No, that's not what I meant. Why do you still want to be a shinobi? You're too weak, you're a  _ civilian _ ."

The third thing and the fourth and the fifth and the fifty-seventh thing his neighbor says sounds the same, and the voices all blur together. Why is he still a shinobi? Why does he want to be one? With every time those pale lips open and close come more thoughts of doubt.

Inoue-san is saved by the nationalism engraved into his bones. (He can still see the black, blocky kanji of the school textbooks on the back of his eyelids when he closes his eyes. Nationalism finds its way into his entire being, is absorbed by curious eyes like a sponge absorbing water.) Iruka-sensei says — sensei says to fight for the country is the biggest honor. To die, to cease to exist, to spill glorious glorious blood upon battlefields. He will become a shinobi; he will prove Yamanaka-san wrong. (He will become a mindless tool.)

Somewhere he desires for recognition, especially by the ethereal Yamanaka who lives next to him, the one with the eyes like tainted water and lips like poison.

He sort of —

He might, just might —

(He sort of loves the desk chuunin who has the clear, unblemished face free of scars. He kind of wishes he could prove Yamanaka-san wrong. There is just something that  _ draws _ him to the one they call Yamanaka Yuu, the one who ridicules him from behind papery walls. His wounds fester and burn. He thinks he is insane, for desiring the hatred and anger that Yamanaka-san brings.)

(He sort of hates the desk chuunin who has never faced a war before, never known the despair and horror of the battlefields. He hates the way Yamanaka Yuu takes every opportunity to scorn him, to put him down. He hates Yamanaka-san, destroyer of dreams. He hates clan children and the obvious advantage they have, the way they take every opportunity to assert their dominance.)

* * *

The days blur by, around and around like falling leaves. Passing too quickly for Hoshiko to catch them, to fully enjoy the last fleeting moments of her youth. To soak in the rays of autumn sun and lazily sprawl under the sycamore trees, laughing and talking idly. To buy dango one last time, to visit Sakura and Sasuke one last time. Everyone has moved on, everyone is leaving her behind. She cannot afford to wait. So instead of racing Neji by the river like they used to do when they were children, she asks to spar instead. She trains with her team; does katas and studies jutsu, turns pages of heavy scrolls with calloused fingers deep into the night. Goes to the hospital once for a week out of chakra exhaustion, fights Anko Mitarashi and gets decimated in four minutes flat. Breaks her wrist and tries to do one-handed seals, breaks her fingers and learns to function with a throbbing hand. She doesn't dream, doesn't have time for dreaming. Sometimes Team Hatanaka does scenarios, and they go badly every time.

"You're a chuunin, the leader of a team," Hatanaka-sensei drawls. "You have two teammates. One is bleeding out on the floor around you, and you don't know whether he'll live or die. The other one is poisoned and unconscious, though they'll wake up in half an hour. The mission has a small window of time that is rapidly closing. What do you do?"

"I'll hunt down whoever hurt my teammates!" Yuuta-san declares. "Then I'll finish the mission! Plus, if I hunt them down, they have less chance of coming back and hurting us."

"It depends on who my teammates are." Hoshiko thinks. "If it's Yuuta-san and Ryou-san, I will rush back to Konoha and abandon the mission. If it is Neji-nii, I will rush back and then finish the mission solo, and hunt down the person who hurt him. I will make him pay."

"I will..." Ryou-san frowns. "Finish the mission at all costs."

"Next." (Hatanaka-sensei is the type of person to run away from his problems.)

She meets Anko Mitarashi at Dango-ya one winter afternoon. Without thinking, she approaches the tokujo, requesting a spar.

"Hey, can I spar with you sometime, Mitarashi-senpai?" Hoshiko bows sloppily.

"A spar! From a genin like you!" Mitarashi-senpai laughs, making every civilian in the vicinity flinch away and casually leave the restaurant.

"Shut up, Mitarashi!" the shopkeeper roars. "You're scaring away the customers!"

"Yeah, a spar." Hoshiko smiles winningly. "You're the coolest tokujo I know, Anko-senpai."  _ You're also the only tokujo I know,  _ goes unsaid.

"Okay, sure. Prepare to be stomped flat in around... I'll give it five seconds."

Hoshiko practically drags Mitarashi-senpai off her seat and to the training grounds.

It goes like this: They arrive at an empty training ground. There are no rules. The air is tense.

Anko moves with the grace of a Siberian tiger — here one second, not-there the next. Hoshiko takes the opportunity to cloak her chakra and disappear below ground, suffering a glance to the head as she descends. She can't hide forever, and Anko knows it, laughing above. Indeed, she has to come up for air thirty seconds into the exercise. Pathetic, she thinks. She creates a clone and makes it explode, but Anko scoffs and shunshins to her side, where they begin a frenzied taijutsu battle. It lasts ten seconds and she manages to seal off some of Anko's tenketsu in the painful process. Anko's knife catches on Hoshiko's sleeve and drags down skin and bones with sharp steel pain. Anko snarls viciously, taking advantage of the weakness, and charges in with one arm. Hoshiko (just barely) manages to dodge beneath an outstretched leg and get in another hit to the arm, twisting her body into an uncomfortable position. Then Hoshiko remembers her senbon, but Anko sees the movement and comes at her with a water dragon similar to that of Mizuki's, all those years ago. She counters with a weaker, smaller fire dragon that scorches her lungs and makes her skin brittle and dry on the way out; cracks her lips and leaves her dehydrated as hell. She wonders how Anko can still cast jutsu with chakra flowing through only one arm, and remembers that she wanted to hearn one-handed jutsu. Hoshiko was never very good at those. Of course, Anko's not going to get in close enough for close combat anymore, what with how much her left arm is throbbing. Which means terrorizing the genin and asking her to unblock her tenketsu, then going back to Dango-ya and making fun of her for three hours straight. Anko replaces herself with a small rock behind Hoshiko (the fine control! Hoshiko wants to cry.) and cuts another nasty slice in her arm when she raises it to block. From there the taijutsu battle is easy and one-sided, with crimson blood dripping down Hoshiko's arm and permanently staining her favorite white shirt. Anko makes the most of Hoshiko's momentary inattention (oh, her shirt, the dry-cleaning fees — oh, how it burns!) and kicks her square in the face. She flies backwards and hits the ground with little grace. 

"See," Hoshiko wheezes. "The spar lasted four minutes and thirty-six seconds."

"Alright, I'll give it to you. You've got guts. How about you spar with Anko-senpai every Saturday? I love beating up little genin. I'll be right here, waiting for you!" Anko winks and saunters away.

(And that — that is the angry chaos that is both Anko and Hoshiko.)

"Hey, w-what's it like living in a clan?" Yuuta-san speaks up almost tentatively, glancing at his teammates.

"It's alright." Nara-san is equally wary. "My clan... I like the deer herd."

"I think we're like a big family of sorts," Hoshiko starts, but pauses when Yuuta-san's face clouds over in jealousy. "The Branch House, I mean." she clarifies. "Because really, the Main House have no love for us. I don't... particularly like being in a clan. It's really restrictive of freedom."

Yuuta-san frowns thoughtfully.

(And that is how the last moments of her childhood end. The next morning they are deported to Sunagakure, travelling atop the trees. And that is where the true tragedy begins.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take this 6.5k monstrosity   
annotations and explanations:   
a) character development on sasuboi's part; self-explanatory  
b) genin team dynamics will be expanded upon  
c) chuunin exam, angst, warning for mild gore and death in the next chapter  
d) will add more team gai dynamics soon :3c


	6. red-light district

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (In-between chapter, foreshadowing, filler, patching up plot holes)
> 
> sorry for the hiatus hehe i hate yearly exams

**vi. red-light district**

Sunagakure is known for its year-round heat and acrid sun — so much light that tanned skin  _ burns _ under intense warmth like marshmallows over a campfire; crackling and blistering and hurting. But there is a place — there is a place in Suna which seems to just about  _ come alive _ under the moon and the stars and frigid night wind.

Hoshiko's glad that she, as the lone kunoichi, gets her own room. Quietly slide open the hotel window. Make a clone which sleeps in your place. Close the window from the outside and walk up to the roof. Henge. Leaving the stuffy hotel room is as easy as that. Step two — Part two is to find a good weapons store. She doesn't want a ōdachi like Ryou-san or a tsurugi like Yuuta-san. It is a pity that they could not have gone to Tetsu no Kuni, but anything is better than Konoha's flimsy weapons. (She can't wait for Tenten-san to revolutionize the weapons trade.) Hopefully, she'll get a mission to Kirigakure when she makes chuunin.

Then she remembers — Team Seven. Death fight against Zabuza. Kubikiribōchō left beside his grave. Suigetsu's sword — but maybe it could be hers. For now, though, she'll have to make do. Maybe, if she's lucky, she can get her hands on Nuibari, somehow. Kushimaru would roll in his grave from anger.

The red-light district is open at all hours from five in the evening to three in the morning. It is a flood of overlapping voices and neon colors washed under a blanket of red, like its namesake. It smells like sadness and hazy smoke and shinobi trying to drown in alcohol in the name of forgetting. It is too many things for Hoshiko to take in at one time. After careful observation, she turns left, then right, then left again through a maze of narrow alleyways with bright graffiti and flickering lights. 

The shop itself is disappointing, all peeling wallpaper and crumbling walls. From inside comes the voice of a beefy Suna shinobi who smells like cigarette smoke and like he's had one too many drinks. (Hoshiko thinks back to middle school lessons on the detriments of cigarettes, imagine his heart crumbling and falling apart. But then again, in this world there is chakra, and people can screw up their bodies all they like. She remembers Tsunade.) The weapons are something else. Ethereal. Unworldly. Steel glimmering in the moonlight almost romantically.

"How much is this wakizashi?" she asks, fingering the coins and notes hidden deep in her pocket.

"Five hundred Ryo."

"Make it a hundred." Hoshiko pulls out a bunch of senbon and pretends to inspect them, making a show of being intimidating.

"Four hundred." The shopkeeper glares. "Besides, you're not from Suna. You don't look like someone around here. I could report you for having weapons on you."

"Just like I could report you for owning an illegal weapons shop." Hoshiko smiles sweetly.

"Illegal is right," the shopkeeper smiles equally sincerely. "All of these weapons were imported from Tetsu no Kuni."

"Two hundred," Hoshiko says, "For the high-quality weapons."

The shopkeeper frowns. "If you can beat me in a kenjutsu-only spar, I'll lower the price to two hundred and fifty."

Hoshiko agrees, if not only for the free spar. Spars are experience and experience is an extra two years of life and life is more time spent protecting Neji-nii.

"We'll meet by the training ground next to the large tree tomorrow. Bring your weapons. Remember, four in the morning." The shopkeeper pushes her outside and slams his door noisily.

Hoshiko slips out into the night like a shadow, waving goodbye to the shopkeeper mockingly. Climbs back up the hotel wall and tries not to make any noise. Dispels her clone. Dreamless sleep. Then the next morning: repeating the whole procedure. The shopkeeper is already there, tanto in hand. She lifts her (bad) quality Konoha wakizashi and marches into the training ground, back straight and head up. Her foreign attire and prideful stare catch the attention of many, including a redhead who lies on top of the roof and watches with wary eyes.

The man greets her and they do warm-ups together.

"You're from Konohagakure, aren't you?"

"Yeah. How'd you guess?" She's still under henge. Double-check the henge is still there. Triple-check in the reflection of a nearby window.

"Your katas. Distinctly Konohagakure." There is no judgement in his tone of voice, merely muted amusement.

"Why don't you teach me Suna katas then?" Hoshiko smirks.

"Okay, fine!" the shopkeeper grumbles. "Because your Konoha katas make you look like shit, sure."

The actual spar starts two hours later. Hoshiko charges in and meets the shopkeeper's blade in midair, the two swords clanging with a wailing screech. Her Konoha-made wakizashi dents a little. Next follows a swirl of clashing blades and frenzied footsteps, and Hoshiko feels like her arm is about to fall off. Her hand goes numb trying to keep up with Shopkeeper Man's speed. She leans back to avoid a blow to her neck and falls onto her shoulder violently. She screams. It feels like — it is worse than the time she twisted her ankle sparring against Anko. It feels like pain and death and fire.

The henge dispels and Hoshiko is herself again: dark knotted Hyuuga hair, featureless eyes, blood-red lips contorted in an ugly grimace.

The man is equally as shocked. "What the fuck—"

She uses his moment of inattention to stagger upright, ignoring the pain, and flip her blade upwards, resting against his chin. It is a trick she learnt from Anko — to take advantage of small things, carelessness, to read people's body language and analyse minute movements. Her shoulder spasms and she hisses through her teeth.

"Forfeit or I take your head off." She declares smugly, almost confidently, though her heart rate tells a different story. She hates the way her voice wavers from the pain, and she blinks back a stream of tears. Using chakra, she tries to numb the area, but even a slight shift in posture makes her shoulder  _ burn _ . 

The guy pauses and shrugs helplessly. "Sure, Konoha. Sure." Narrowing his eyes and watching her suspiciously.

"So, you going to sell me that sword?" 

"Yeah. You should get your shoulder checked out." Hoshiko hands over two hundred ryou (trying not to move her shoulder, which proves to be a difficult job) and they part silently, the shopkeeper accepting that the kunoichi is not what she looks like. She staggers back to the hotel, sealing her new wakizashi into a scroll with one hand. She doesn't make it back.

There is a girl in the middle of the road, proud stare and teal eyes. Familiar blond hair in pigtails — Hoshiko blanches.  _ Temari _ . Upon further inspection, there is a figure in the trees, watching coldly and silently. Another character hurries up the path, dragging a conspicuous puppet behind him.  _ Gaara. Kankurō.  _ Her heart skips a beat, and she averts her eyes, hurrying to the nearest cafe in an attempt to camouflage herself. She should've henged, and she finds herself face-palming at how stupid and shortsighted she is.

"Wait, stop!" Temari calls out. "Identify yourself, Konoha-nin!"

"Um, hi. Where's the hospital?" she wheezes. Sneaking a glance at her arm, she finds that it is starting to bruise angrily, to her dismay. 

"Identify yourself," Temari states again, crossing her arms and glaring in an attempt to look intimidating.

"I'm Hoshiko Hyuuga, from Konohagakure. I'm here for the Chuunin exams. My sensei is Hiraku Hatanaka.  _ Now _ can I get medical attention? I think I dislocated my shoulder."

" _ What's the standard procedure for suspicious foreign-nin? _ " Temari hisses to Kankurō. He shrugs.

"Apprehend her?"

"Yeah, but Konoha and Suna are under a treaty. And she's here for the Chuunin exams."

"I guess just ask her jounin-sensei what happened."

"Mother smells blood," Gaara hisses from his shadow. "Mother wants your blood."

He takes in the fragile Konoha girl, sees the shallow cuts left by swords on alabaster skin. Bruises blooming slowly on her shoulder; pomegranate, magenta, kisses of a cruel blade. He imagines her waxen skin and disinterested eyes under his nails, imagines her inky hair mixed with crimson blood, strewn all over the dirt road and left to rot, to become one with the dirt again. Shukaku growls. It is a primal feeling of desire; the intention to destroy, to  _ kill _ . Gaara backs away. He is no stranger to bloodlust, but he has never felt it so strongly either.

"I want to kill you," he says to the Hyuuga.

There is an ethereal beauty in death and he cannot wait to experience it again. The Hyuuga will be his — he will offer her up to Amaterasu-ōmikami in his name. He wonders if she will scream, if she will plead. If she will cry; if those disillusioned eyes will fill with tears. He will teach her the meaning of life, the allure of death. He wonders if Shukaku will be pleased.

** _I will_ ** **, ** the voice in his head screams.  ** _I will be sated, child of the desert. I will consume her; an entity not entirely of this world._ **

Gaara takes two seconds to remember that he is not Shukaku and never will be. He is — he is Gaara, youngest child of the Kazekage, and he loves only himself. He is — Ichibi Jinchuuriki. He is — He doesn't know who he is. If only Shukaku could cease his howling, cease to exist; then he could be whole again.

"Temari, Kankurō, leave her. Let her sensei deal with her." He doesn't want to see her ever again. (Shukaku howls in rage, pounding against the walls of his cage.)

* * *

"Sasuke-kun, have you noticed the way Naruto-san fights?" Sakura asks, tilting her head in Naruto's direction.

"Like a brawler." Sasuke shrugs nonchalantly. "Nothing special about that. Kiba does the same."

"No, like it's  _ weird _ ," Sakura persists. "See the way he punches? It's like he's aiming for a much taller opponent."

"Get to the point," Sasuke says bluntly, eyes glued to the fight between Naruto and Ino. "Oh, I see it now."

"The point is, I think maybe he fights with... members of the public. Like adults. A lot. 'Cause adults are tall. And I think it's interesting and we should investigate it. So we can ask him about... fighting strategy? I've seen him charge at this six-foot tall beefy male at the shops before — the guy called him a demon. Wonder what he does in his spare time."

"Hn." Sasuke grunts, but he follows Sakura afterwards as they trail out of school, as she leads him down a series of winding alleyways littered with graffiti and rubbish and sloppily-constructed paper houses.

"This is the red-light district, Sakura. Why are we here?"

"I know!" she exclaims indignantly. "Naruto was here just a second ago!"

"Look, I can't get caught around here. Okaasan will be so mad. And it reflects badly on our clan. Okaasan's always worried these days and she got mad at me for sparring with Kiba after school even none of us even got hurt! And Otousan gets so many of those Council meetings with the Hokage-person and it's so annoying cause then Aniki gets so many more missions especially after the meetings and then he can't play with me even thought he  _ promised _ , he  _ promised _ me and then he got a mission to Kiri! To assassinate a —" Sasuke rants, his voice rising in pitch as he speaks.

"Just  _ henge _ !" Sakura whacks Sasuke over his head and stomps her foot in irritation.

("God,  _ Uchiha _ scum," a shinobi drawls as he hurries by. "The Hokage might not think so, but your clan controls  _ monsters _ . And  _ Itachi _ , what the hell, he's a monster himself." Sakura grabs on to Sasuke's shirt to stop him lunging at the offending chuunin, hissing for him to hurry up and  _ henge because something's wrong with your clan, somehow nobody likes you guys these days! _ Of course, she covers her mouth in embarrassment when she's finished, but doesn't miss the murderous glare Sasuke shoots her. She turns as red as the lights and shrinks backwards.)

Konoha's red-light district is different from Suna's in the way that it centres more around brothels than illegal stores. Burly shinobi and scantily-dressed females alike cast suspicious glances at the two Academy children. Lewd noises fill the musky air around them. Another difference is that the Konoha district is fully functional twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. Sakura flinches and clings onto Sasuke as a bar brawl erupts around them, two civilians trying to beat the shit out of each other with equally drunk shinobi cheering them on. She finds her fingers edging towards her kunai pouch.

"Naruto went that way," Sasuke says. "Let's go." They make a hasty escape, hurrying up a dusty staircase. It is spider season and arachnids dangle from the roof, watching with suspicion engraved deeply into every single eye. Another dark corridor and then — the scent of ramen on the air. Ramen and tears and malicious intent. Third floor. Neighbor starts shouting as a door creaks open. Both of them dispel the henge.

"What do you want?" Short bright child, orange tracksuit, future saver of the shinobi world reduced to a lonely child who drowns himself in ramen and curdled milk, who finds company in his clones who sit around the dinner table talking to each other. It is pathetic. The clones aren't even formed well — one is missing a leg, the other with a mangled face, the third one a puddle of orange on the floor. They dispel themselves, embarrassed.

Sasuke stops. Compares this shack of a house to his clan compound. Extends a reluctant hand.

"Uzumaki, I want to spar."

(Sakura hits her head against the doorframe and lets herself in, picking up crumpled tissues and battered magazines as she does. Opens the light to reveal the mess of a room, which Naruto hurries to block. Along with Sasuke, they commence possibly the worst D-rank the world has ever seen: cleaning Naruto Uzumaki's house, and the only reward is a new accomplice.)

* * *

The Sand Siblings disappear as fast as they came, melting into the trees, scurrying away, leaving Hoshiko on her own. Almost sheepishly, she makes her way up endless flights of stairs to appear in front of her sensei's room, pounding on the door stiffly with her good arm.

"Hey, I think I dislocated my shoulder. I got a new sword, sensei, look!"

Hiraku Hatanaka rolls over and tries to go back to sleep, before standing up and reluctantly unlocking the door, surveying the damage. A multitude of shallow cuts, a swollen arm, a —

"Is that — Is that one of the signature wakizashis of that — master blacksmith — Tetsu no Kuni? And in such good condition too!" Hatanaka-sensei splutters, grinning from ear to ear. "How did you afford that?"

"The guy sold it to me for two hundred and fifty Ryo." Hoshiko deadpans.

"We should get you to a hospital, though." Hatanaka-sensei rubs his eyes blearily. Further, into the room, Yuuta-san stretches and groans, slowly waking up. Ryou-san is unmoving — a Nara through and through.

Suna General Hospital smells like disinfectant sprayed strongly to discourage the scent of blood and death and tragedy in every corner, stains seeping  _ into _ tiled floors. Hatanaka-sensei groans and displays his identification and glares at the huge wad of paperwork the nurse hands him nervously. Yet he dutifully fills them out, dotting every  _ i _ meticulously.

"How did your charge receive this injury?" More of an interrogation than a healing. Hoshiko tries to make herself look like small scared genin, shrinking into the seat.

"I... wanted to practice my katas cause the chuunin exams are in a  _ week! _ B-but then I slipped and fell onto my shoulder as I was moving because the positioning of my feet is bad and Sensei's told me thousands of times that I'm doing my katas wrong but I didn't really care until now." The image of a remorseful child who has done wrong. Hatanaka-sensei nods and smiles, playing along. He'll interrogate Hoshiko privately later (he thinks maybe his charge has stolen the sword and gotten beat up) but for now it is vital that the relationship between Konoha and Suna is not damaged by this accident.

"She's a rebellious one," Hiraku Hatanaka smirks, winking at the healer who blushes seven shades of pink and glances away. "Man, it's so difficult being a genin-sensei." The healer presses a glowing hand to Hoshiko's shoulder, either satisfied with her story or distracted by the visuals of her sensei.

"Who'd want to date Hatanaka-sensei?" Yuuta-san scoffs later. "Him and his  _ facial hair _ and  _ weird braid thing _ ... That healer really has no taste,  _ ew _ ."

Ryou-san allows himself to smile a little at his teammate's antics, though he'll never let Yuuta-san know it. "Doesn't Hatanaka-sensei have a girlfriend?" he counters softly, eyes widening a little. "What happened to  _ her _ ?"

"Wasn't she a Uchiha? I saw her once." Yuuta-san leans in conspiratorily. "You know how the Uchiha have a pretty shitty reputation right now?"

"No..." Ryou sinks into his chair. "I don't really... have any Uchiha friends," he admits shyly.

"Can't blame you, really, mate. All of them, a stoic bunch. Wait, you don't have any friends at all, do you? Ah, don't worry, you've got me." He punches his teammate on the shoulder lightly. "You're my first snobby clan kid friend, so be glad!"

"We're not friends," Ryou says firmly, though the softness in his eyes betrays his words. "Go on about the Uchiha."

"Well,  _ I  _ heard my neighbor talking the other day." Yamanaka-san, cynical as ever. His ears turn a little red, and he thinks:  _ If I pass the Exams, Yamanaka-san will  _ have  _ to acknowledge me. _ "He was talking to this guy just outside the apartment complex — hey, do you know Shikaku Nara? Wait I don't think they're friends — But anyway — So Yamanaka-san was like 'I want to switch teams 'cause there's an Uchiha, ew a  _ Uchiha _ , I don't wanna work with him cause I heard the Uchiha can brainwash you!' And then Nara-san goes like 'But you're a  _ Yamanaka! _ ' And then Yamanaka-san looks  _ embarrassed _ , I've never seen him embarrassed before, and he goes like 'But I don't like him!' and Nara-san gives him a thirty-second lecture about prejudice and slouches off."

Ryou nods, feeling curious despite himself. "What happens next, Yuuta-san?"

"Well," Yuuta continues, "so I went up all in Yamanaka-san's face and I go like 'Well what's so  _ bad _ about the Uchiha?' And he's like 'Nobody likes them, idiot. I heard they're  _ cursed _ . They're horrible and arrogant and annoying, especially the one on my team. He's  _ so  _ broody.' And then I roll my eyes at him, superstitious bastard, and go back home." Yuuta shrugs. "I guess... they just annoy people? Or maybe other people are jealous because they're so powerful." He smiles guiltily.

"No, not jealous." Ryou shakes his head seriously. "Scared. People are ostracising the Uchiha."

"You think Sensei broke up with his pretty Uchiha girlfriend because people spread rumors?" Yuuta picks up a kunai and starts twirling it around and around and around (like pinwheel eyes).

The man in question pushes open the bathroom door slowly, towel around his waist. "No, we're still together. I don't see what's wrong with the Uchiha, apart from the fact that they won't let me get married to her 'cause I'm not 'good enough'." He bends over to pick up a crumpled shirt with coffee stains on it and picks it up. "Goodnight, kiddos. Training tomorrow morning."

Yuuta goes to bed thinking about Yamanaka-san and his icy blue eyes and utmost hatred towards the Uchiha, thinking about what it will take for the man he hates (loves) to acknowledge him. Hoshiko stays up polishing her new wakizashi, wondering how Neji is doing without her, wondering how Sasuke is feeling. Hatanaka-sensei curls up into a ball and dreams of Uchiha with mesmerizing red eyes and a soft smile. Ryou wakes up sweating in the middle of the night, tensing at shadows and the memory of a teammate from long ago with flaming eyes (spinning, spinning, spinning). Then another one, the one with the weasel mask who saved them all; the one he is forever indebted to. He pushes down the feelings and focuses on being a normal, happy-go-lucky twelve-year-old child. He fails.

* * *

Neji counts down every second that remains until his onee-san comes home as he strikes the training post almost angrily. In the two weeks that she has been absent, he has observed the Main House members from his window quietly as they did their weekly drills. (Hakkesho: Kaiten, then a Hakke Sanjuni Sho, followed by a dance of fiery lions so hot they burn blue: Juho Shoshiken. In an attempt to reconstruct the latter, he has burned his hands red and raw. He wonders if Hoshiko will be able to master it with her uncharacteristically sub-par chakra control.) 

“Hey, Neji.” He spins around in surprise, left hand automatically reaching for his weapons pouch. Dropping it guiltily when he notices that it’s just Tenten, with Lee behind her.  _ His team-mates _ , his mind supplements unhelpfully. He  _ knows _ , he  _ knows _ . He doesn’t know them, not very well.

Tenten. Girl with twin buns and a fire in her that blazes so strongly it could overpower the Katon of a Uchiha. Dependable but unremarkable, he thinks. Also expendable, because she is an orphan and she is a no-name genin and she has nothing and no one, apart from the fifty scrolls full of weapons stuffed in each of her pockets. Rock Lee. Youthful boy with youth and vigor. Drags both of them up at three-thirty to train — he is annoying, unrealistic, but a good teammate. Equally expendable, if not more. If the Fourth Shinobi War breaks out he will be the first to go; cannon fodder, the one who gets all the suicide missions. Why? Because he has no particular strengths apart from waking up early and training hard. ( _ If,  _ not  _ when _ , because Hoshiko always told him to  _ train hard, Neji, war is on the horizon. _ ) He thinks it will be sad when they die.

"We're going out for ice-cream after training," Tenten says bravely. "Would you like to come, Neji-san?"

After the first day, Tenten has learned that Neji doesn't talk much unless he's nervous. Today seems like one of those days: she can see it in the stiff position of his freely-bleeding hands and the tension in his legs, the look in his eyes that reminds her of a caged animal. (Like a bird.)

"Thank you, Tenten-san. I will pay," he says in a show of generosity.

"Are you sure?" Tenten asks worriedly. "You know what Lee's like when he eats."

"Well, he has to get all that youth from  _ somewhere _ ," Neji's eyes soften. "It's okay. My sister is taking her Chuunin Exams so I have less fees to pay. This month, I can save up to t-three thousand ryo!" He hates how he stutters a little in an attempt to joke around with his teammate. Is he socially incompetent, or just  _ scared?  _

If Tenten notices the stumble, she doesn't show it, instead drawing him into a conversation. "Wow, your sister! Hoshiko, right? Of Team Hatanaka? Sometimes she comes to my shop to buy weapons! I think she's really powerful, she'll be fine!" She beams at Neji. "I wonder if she'll have time to train with me after the exams?"

The very mention of training summons Rock Lee from whichever task he was at — three hundred push-ups — who gleefully joins in their conversation.

“Ah! Youthful Hoshiko-san! I too, would  _ love _ to spar with her! After the Chuunin Exams! I am Sure she will Blossom into a Fine Shinobi, Neji-kun!" Cue thumbs-up.

"...Oh. Thank you, Tenten-san. Thank you, Lee-san. We should do our stretching exercises now." He doesn't completely turn away, instead opting to start his stretches next to his teammates. After stretches, all three walk into the sunset side by side. They feel like a  _ team,  _ and Neji can't turn away from the seed of happiness blooming in his chest, quenching his fear and turning it into relief. He is sure that Hoshiko will be just fine, and kick Suna ass. 

"We should go to Ankorodou." Tenten suggests. "I like the mochi they serve."

"Nah, let's go to the curry place!" Lee says, arms waving frantically. "This way!"

"Sorry, I can't afford curry..." Neji does the maths in his head and discovers that he is five ryo short. "Can we go to Ankorodou instead?"

"That is Perfectly Fine," Lee does his signature thumbs-up. "I remember when curry was cheap, and I could eat five bowls a day! The inflation in prices is not your fault, Neji-san!"

* * *

Five days before the exam, Team Hatanaka goes sightseeing and meets a boy with red hair, girl with large metal fan, and their sibling dragging a huge puppet behind him. Hoshiko drags them in the opposite direction hurriedly.

Four days before the exam, Hoshiko takes the grumpy shopkeeper out for lunch and discusses weapon strategies with him. Ryou and Yuuta bicker in the background animatedly, with Hatanaka-sensei trying his best to melt into the wall.

Three days before the exam, they go for a run around the walls and polish their weapons.

Two days before the exam, they stay up all night talking about other members of their age group.

"Hoshiko, would you rather date Uchiha Sasuke or Nara Shikamaru?"

"Are _you_ into dark, broody guys, Yuuta?" Hoshiko smirks. 

"N-no!" he shouts hurriedly. "I only like-"

"His Yamanaka neighbour who constantly verbally abuses him," Ryou finishes triumphantly. "He's somewhat of a masochist."

"Or maybe," Hoshiko laughs, "the Yamanaka is really pretty. But they don't seem like the dark, broody type."

"Yeah," Yuuta admits sheepishly, "he's _beautiful_."

A day before the exam, all three of them meditate together in a last-ditch attempt to increase their chakra reserves, and Hatanaka-sensei drills them on possible scenarios.

"Ryou, work on your speed — if you can't catch them, evade." 

"Yuuta, make sure you're not all offensive. Go on the defensive at times and fall back to protect your team."

"Hoshiko, you _have _to be careful of genjutsu. If you really can't detect it, make sure you have your Byakugan activated at all times."

"I _know_," Hoshiko says, "I'm doing my best."

"Sometimes even your best is not enough."

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed!! u can talk to me on my instagram @mii.lktea, dms are open :D  
don't forget to kudos/comment/bookmark if u thought my fic was cool!!


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